#t

Dear Literary World, Sorry for breaking down your door...I'll pay for that!!! Since I'm here and planning to stay a while, let me tell you some stories!! ↗

— C.K. Webb

#ck-webb #funny #humor #literature #stories

A pastor, a politician, and a brick walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve rigid nonthinkers here.” So the brick and the pastor look at the politician, who turns around and leaves.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket might make the ideal politician, because they’re warm, comforting, soft, and easily corruptible.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be affixed under one of your shoes, to give your walk a limp that makes people more sympathetic towards you. Gimps get all the girls. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used to represent the Rectangle of Desire. In nine out of ten cases, it was more effective than Viagra. The tenth case was found to contain a lot of cash, and the participant made off with the money without completing the study.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

...if you aren't, at any given time, scandalized by code you wrote five or even three years ago, you're not learning anywhere near enough ↗

— Nick Black

#funny-but-true #funny

Rumo!" said Rumo. "That's right!" Smyke exclaimed. "You Rumo, me Smyke." "You Rumo, me Smyke." Rumo repeated eagerly. "No, no." Smyke chuckled. ↗

— Walter Moers

#funny #repeating #funny

[Or perhaps my friends should have realized that they shouldn't have left behind the FRICKING REASON FOR THEIR PROTEST! And that thought just cracked me up.] It was like my friends had walked over the backs of baby seals in order to get to the beach where they could protest against the slaughter of baby seals. ↗

— Sherman Alexie

#dark-humor #funny #irony #misguided-protest #protest

All the electronic devices are powered by white smoke. When smoke goes out, device is dead. ↗

— Milan Nikolic

#funny #funny

I’m sure all of that’s true. Especially the anal bit--Marshall’s always been an ass--but I don’t see how this is relevant, unless of course I’m mistaken, and you really are comparing me to a crumb that needs sweeping. - Shella ↗

— Krista Alasti

#fantasy #funny #krista-alasti #shifters #taming-shadows