#th

Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we'll kill everything. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#cerise #fate-s-edge #funny #ilona-andrews #the-edge

I worry about identity theft. What’s to stop somebody from cloning me to drain the cash from my bank account? And it’d be just as easy for my clone to pretend to be me as it is for me to pretend to be me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #identity-theft #funny

Nix: We're not leaving without her. So unless you want permanent houseguests of the destructive sort, just hand her over. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#immortals-after-dark #kresley-cole #nix-the-ever-knowing #funny

What's your angle?" I asked, trying to sound more playful than demanding. "Isosceles," Jack quipped. ↗

— Amanda Hocking

#math-humor #quip #retort #humor

People can be so emotionally unintelligent. When I ask them how they’re doing they just make brusque comments like “I’m good, thanks.” After years of trying to get cashiers to talk about their feelings and having to deal with the bottled-up aggression of the customers behind me, I’ve lost all faith in humanity’s ability to connect with each other at the checkout counter. ↗

— Bauvard

#cashiers #funny #humor #faith

There are pockets of wealth in this country. Mostly those pockets are in the politicians’ pants. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#corrupt #corruption #country #funny #humor

She never called her son by any name but John; 'love' and 'dear', and such like terms, were reserved for Fanny. ↗

— Elizabeth Gaskell

#funny-and-random #mothers #names #sobriquet #sons

I know the path by heart, by heart- a funny expression, so true. My heart knows right where to go. ↗

— Cynthia Hand

#heart #love #unearthly #funny

Now all I have to worry about is what might crawl out of the darkness to get me in the night.” “Yeah, well, I think there’s a box of doughnuts under the chair. You can toss those to distract it. ↗

— Elle Parker

#funny-humor #seth #funny

An evil spark flared in his eyes. "Trade: raccoon for some answers. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#funny #ilona-andrews #kaldar #raccoon #the-edge