#retort

You want me to invite him to dinner.” “I want you to invite him to dinner,” she agreed. “You know,” he said, “most gay men don’t have mothers who are this enthusiastic about their love lives.” “That’s probably true,” she said. “You’re one of the lucky ones. ↗

— Matthew Haldeman-Time

#retort #wit #love

I can understand bitchiness in any language. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor #retort #richelle-mead #snarkiness #age

I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity. ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #individuality #retort #humor

The second mouse gets the cheese!" - The Inimitable Terry Pratchett ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#mouse #proverb #retort #education

I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one." — George Bernard Shaw, playwright (to Winston Churchill) "Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one." — Churchill's response ↗

— Winston Churchill

#retort #responsibility

I'm not sure you're quite sensible of the honor I'm doing you," Jace said. "you'll be the first mundane who has ever been inside the Institute." "Probably the smell keeps the rest of them away." - Simon, 133 ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-wayland #quip #retort #simon-lewis #honor

A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly. ↗

— Winston Churchill

#drinking #drunkenness #retort #today

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: 'Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.' That depends, Sir,' said Disraeli, 'whether I embrace your policies or your mistress. ↗

— Benjamin Disraeli

#retort #turnabout #insult

What's your angle?" I asked, trying to sound more playful than demanding. "Isosceles," Jack quipped. ↗

— Amanda Hocking

#math-humor #quip #retort #humor

(About a cookbook...) - What about this one? Maids of Honor? - Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny-and-random #humor #humorous #retort #satire