#tire

Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not. ↗

— Richard Armour

#first #i #retired #then #thought

I'm not scared of death, I just don't want to seek it out. ↗

— Thomas James Higgins

#humor #irony #satire #death

The universe seems to be a lot like a car or a computer, in that it's designed to be user-friendly, which doesn't necessarily require the user to have a clue what's going on under the hood. ↗

— Michel Templet

#satire #science #design

The past is an educational toy for the present. It should be discarded the moment its usefulness is outgrown. ↗

— Tom Morrison

#romance #satire #stock-market #education

When asked, "Why do you always wear black?", he said, "I am mourning for my life. ↗

— Anton Chekhov

#satire #life

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout. ↗

— Jonathan Swift

#humor #satire #equality

Dear Eloisa (said I) there’s no occasion for your crying so much about such a trifle. (for I was willing to make light of it in order to comfort her) I beg you would not mind it – You see it does not vex me in the least; though perhaps I may suffer most from it after all; for I shall not only be obliged to eat up all the Victuals I have dressed already, but must if Henry should recover (which however is not very likely) dress as much for you again; or should he die (as I suppose he will) I shall still have to prepare a Dinner for you whenever you marry any one else. So you see that tho perhaps for the present it may afflict you to think of Henry’s sufferings, yet I dare say he’ll die soon and then his pain will be over and you will be easy, whereas my Trouble will last much longer for work as hard as I may, I am certain that the pantry cannot be cleared in less than a fortnight ↗

— Jane Austen

#cooking #crying #food #grief #jane-austen

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#satire #humor

One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor #sarcastic-humor #satire #humor

Sex is mathematics. Individuality no longer an issue. What does intelligence signify? Define reason. Desire -- meaningless. Intellect is not a cure. Justice is dead. Fear, recrimination, innocence, sympathizing, guilt, waste, failure, grief, were things, emotions, that no one really felt any more. Reflection is useless, the world is senseless. Evil is its only permanence. God is not alive. Love cannot be trusted. Surface, surface, surface was all that anyone found meaning in...this was civilization as I saw it, colossal and jagged... ↗

— Bret Easton Ellis

#bret-easton-ellis #satire #intelligence