#to

President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#awkward #baseball #bush #canada #cards

Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#attorney #been #claims #cruise #exhaustion

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.' ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#better #duh #i #just #men

CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, 'It's not so bad.' ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#asked #bad #cbs #cbs news #crazy

During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#bush #debate #during #each #edwards

Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#arnold #arnold schwarzenegger #bad #california #calling

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. ↗

— Bill Cosby

#everybody #failure #i #key #key to success

Every comedian dreams of hosting 'The Tonight Show' and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#did #dreams #every #got #hosting

In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#cleveland #fit #forward #however #legislation

Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#because #caused #controversy #eligible #fame