#um

I don't have a lot of domestic instincts," Ranger said to me, his attention fixing on the unidentifiable glob in my hair, "but I have a real strong urge to take you home and hose you down." I went dry mouth. Connie bit into her lower lip, and Lula fanned herself with a file. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#ranger #romance #humor

You don't always have to kiss a lot of frogs to recognize a prince when you find one -Henrietta Barett ↗

— Julia Quinn

#inspirational #humor

What are you doing?" "Ya!" said Jane, whirling around, her hands held up menacingly. It was Mr. Nobley with coat, hat, and cane, watching her with wide eyes. Jane took several quick (but oh so casual) steps away from Martin's window. "Um, did I just say, 'Ya'?" "You just said 'Ya,'" he confirmed. "If I am not mistaken, it was a battle cry, warning that you were about to attack me. I, uh..." She stopped to laugh. "I wasn't aware until this precise and awkward moment that when startled in a startled in a strange place, my instincts would have me pretend to be a ninja. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#jane #mr-nobley #ninja #humor

Oh, man," Xavier groaned. "See what you've done--now I'm stressing." "You can't! You're the stable one!" Xavier laughed and I realized his distress had been feigned to illustrate a point. He wasn't worried in the slightest. "Just relax. Go and run a bath or have a shot of brandy." "Okay." "That second bit was a joke. We both know you can't hold your liquor. ↗

— Alexandra Adornetto

#humor #xavier-woods #humor

I'm convinced that responsibility is some kind of psychological disease. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor #mental #responsibility #humor

This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#happy-end #humor #humor

Everyone knows revenge is a dish best served when you've had enough time to build up enough vitriol and fury. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#humor

[I]t is well to have as many holds upon happiness as possible. ↗

— Jane Austen

#jane-austen-literature-humor #humor

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. ↗

— Rita Rudner

#money #humor

Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed until four in the afternoon? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #pathetic #sunlight #funny