#um

You haven't got a letter on yours," George observed. "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid-we know we're called Gred and Forge. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#humor

Mom. I have something to tell you. I’m undead. Now, I know you may have some preconceived notions about the undead. I know you may not be comfortable with the idea of me being undead. But I’m here to tell you that undead are just like you and me … well, okay. Possibly more like me than you. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #mortal-instruments #simon #vampire #humor

Basically, I have two speeds.... Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor

Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#humor

...hanging out does not make one an artist. A secondhand wardrobe does not make one an artist. Neither do a hair-trigger temper, melancholic nature, propensity for tears, hating your parents, nor even HIV - I hate to say it - none of these make one an artist. They can help, but just as being gay does not make one witty (you can suck a mile of cock, as my friend Sarah Thyre puts it, it still won't make you Oscar Wilde, believe me), the only thing that makes one an artist is making art. And that requires the precise opposite of hanging out; a deeply lonely and unglamorous task of tolerating oneself long enough to push something out. ↗

— David Rakoff

#artists #humor #rent #wilde #writers

He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy... ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way. ↗

— Steve Martin

#words #humor

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends. ↗

— George Bernard Shaw

#friends #humor #vegetarianism #humor