#um

That craptastical, gutless, son-of-a-cactus-humping butt monkey!! ↗

— Gemma Halliday

#humour #humor

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is. ↗

— Yogi Berra

#theory #think #humor

I'm Razo, a member of Bayern's Own," he said, stopping himself from adding "Loafing is just a hobby of mine." "Bayern's Own? But you're a child." Razo looked up to the sky. "I'm not a child, I'm just short. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#child #humor #razo #short #humor

Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #lack-of-feeling #love #lovelessness #marriage

I want certain conversations to come equipped with antilock brakes, especially if I'm talking to a real airbag. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#airheads #conversations #enlightenment #humor #humor

There are any number of magical creatures, mostly female, whose singing can bring about horror and death. Sirens, undines, banshees, Bananarama tribute bands... ↗

— Simon R. Green

#death

If you didn't grow up like I did then you don't know, and if you don't know it's probably better you don't judge. ↗

— Junot Díaz

#growing-up #humor #judgment #knowing #experience

I'm a happy person. If you want to be around me, you can either choose to be happy too, or follow the signs to the nearest exit! ↗

— Sharon Swan

#funny #happiness #happy #humor #funny

To ugly ducklings everywhere, Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons: They'll never get to be swans ↗

— Zoë Marriott

#cool #cute #funny #humor-inspirational #humorous

I can still kick your pony-lovin' butt with twice this much pain." Thomas shrugged, "I do love ponies. Wish I could eat one right now. ↗

— James Dashner

#maze-runner #scorch-trials #humor