#um

She gave me another of those long keen looks, and I could see that she was again asking herself if her favourite nephew wasn't steeped to the tonsils in the juice of the grape. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humorous #wodehouse #humor

Work is the greatest thing in the world. So we should save some of it for tomorrow. ↗

— Don Herold

#work #humor

Lord Vetinari lifted an eyebrow with the care of one who, having found a piece of caterpillar in his salad, raises the rest of the lettuce. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Leave it to women to be cryptic rather than straightforward ↗

— Kaye Dacus

#women #humor

I was in no mood to negotiate with the Tampon Terrorist. ↗

— Helene Boudreau

#humor

Aren't the Amish against violence? Yes, but you see, I'm not very good at being Amish...so remember what I say. ↗

— Kelly Long

#humor #humor

The Book: Curiously the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias, as it fell, was, 'Oh no, not again.' Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly *why* the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor

Nemo suggested that it might be some monster giant but his papa called him a "rattlebrain" and ordered him to pacify his mama who was making elaborate plans to faint. ↗

— Winsor McCay

#humor #stilted #humor

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. The happiness of a married man depends on the people he has not married. One should always be in love - that's the reason one should never marry. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #love #marriage #humor

But this is something new!' said Mrs. Munt, who collected new ideas as a squirrel collects nuts, and was especially attracted by those that are portable. ↗

— E.M. Forster

#humor