#um

I made you something to eat if you’re hungry.” Leigh peered at the steaming pile on the plate on the tray, then asked uncertainly. “What is it?” “Prime cuts in gravy.” “Prime cuts in gravy?” she echoed slowly. “Did you cook it?” "I opened the can and heated it up in the microwave for one minute. Someone named Alpo cooked it.” Leigh stiffened, her head shooting up, eyes wide with disbelief. “Alpo?” He shrugged. “That’s what the can said.” Leigh shook her head with bewilderment. “You can use a microwave, but not a phone, and don’t know that Alpo isn’t the chef, but the brand name for dog food?” There was something seriously wrong here. ↗

— Lynsay Sands

#food

Every relationship is a tug of war, and I hope the scaffold wins. ↗

— Bauvard

#hanging #humor #power #relationships #tug-of-war

Spaghetti can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner. ↗

— Sophia Loren

#cleaner #eaten #i can #inhale #like

I can't be a cream puff. ↗

— Buddy Valastro

#humor #food

Henry held up his taco- formerly Vlad's- and grinned. " Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius." pg248 Henry to Vlad & Joss ↗

— Heather Brewer

#henry #humor #joss #tacos #vampire

Pride is all very well, but a sausage is a sausage. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#food #humor #pride #food

For a moment, or a second, the pinched expressions of the cynical, world-weary, throat-cutting, miserable bastards we've all had to become disappears, when we're confronted with something as simple as a plate of food. ↗

— Anthony Bourdain

#food #humor #memoirs #food

Sometimes... the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person... is batshit crazy. ↗

— Michelle Bartlett

#forgiveness #humor #forgiveness

Come on, Beamer! I beheaded you for your own good. ↗

— S.J. Kincaid

#humor

If you still persist in writing, "Good food at it's best", you deserve to be struck by lightning, hacked up on the spot and buried in an unmarked grave. ↗

— Lynne Truss

#humour #food