#um

So Dobby stopped us from getting on the train and broke your arm. . . ." He shook his head. "You know what, Harry? If he doesn't stop trying to save your life he's going to kill you. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #ron-weasley #humor

I thought they were helping me. I was so full of trust in them that I felt grateful as they carried me in the air. Only when they threw me overboard did I begin to have doubts. ↗

— Yann Martel

#humor

I like him, he thought in horror... shit. I like him. ↗

— Holly Black

#humor

Didn't know you could measure distance so well with nothing but you bloody eyeballs ↗

— James Dashner

#humor

Her name is Brienne," Jaime said. "Brienne, the maid of Tarth. You are still maiden, I hope?" Her broad homely face turned red. "Yes." "Oh, good," Jaime said. "I only rescue maidens. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#brienne-of-tarth #humor #jaime-lannister #rescue #humor

You look happy," he said to Clary. He swiveled his gaze to Jace. "And a good thing for you that she does." Jace raised an eyebrow. "Is this the part where you tell me that if I hurt her, you'll kill me?" "No," said Simon, "If you hurt Clary, she's quite capable of killing you herself. Possibly with a variety of weapons." Jace looked pleased by the thought. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-and-simon #mortal-instruments #clary-fray

Mooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma. "this is it", he said, standing by a small khaki-colored jeep."this car has protective qualities" You mean like a guardian angel?" I mean, like, it has seatbelts ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

Facilis descensus Averno Noctes atque dies patet atri ianua Ditis Sed revocare gradum superasque evadere ad auras Hoc opus labor est ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace #latin #mortal-instruments #clary-fray

As women glide from their twenties to thirties, Shazzer argues, the balance of power subtly shifts. Even the most outrageous minxes lose their nerve, wrestling with the first twinges of existential angst: fears of dying alone and being found three weeks later half-eaten by an Alsatian. ↗

— Helen Fielding

#humour #power #thirties #twenties #women

He held up his index finger. "Rule one: in any dispute between mates, the male is always to blame, even when he is clearly blameless. Rule two"—his middle finger joined the first—"whenever in doubt, refer to rule one. ↗

— C.L. Wilson

#marriage #mating #humor