#un

Face it," Gary told her kindly. "You'll never catch up. You just do as much as you can and take the punishments without saying anything. Sometimes I wonder if that isn't what they're really trying to teach us--to take plenty and keep our mouths shut. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#lesson #punishment #understanding #humor

Always behave like a duck- keep calm and unruffled on the surface, but paddle like the devil underneath. ↗

— Jacob M. Braude

#composure #humor #humor

Why send roses? Wouldn’t it be more romantic to deliver a dozen orgasms? For only $19.95, I’ll deliver them to your woman any day of the year. But be sure to book early for Valentine’s Day.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#flowers #funny #humor #love #naughty

But have you ever seen one?....They shook their heads. "Not Physically, no. But if you look at this passage - " Man, she liked that Bible. I'd read it and could definitely understand it's appeal, but I didn't have time for this. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor #witty #funny

You're doing fucking awesome, Colt whispers in my ear and I can't help but smile at that. Only he would use the word 'fuck' at my mom's funeral. ↗

— Nyrae Dawn

#funny

I am so stupid, so easily fooled. It's really almost funny. If I could lift a finger I would gladly kill myself. ↗

— Will Christopher Baer

#stupidity #suicide #funny

You must master the vices. You know that if a thing is worth doing it's worth doing well. If, however, a thing is not worth doing then it's worth doing fabulously, amazingly, with grace, style and panache. ↗

— Isla Dewar

#humor #humour #vice #humor

I am a socially akward man-dork"-Nick ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor

Teresa stood up, surprising Thomas with her confidence. “Guess he forgot to tell the little part about me kicking him in the groin and climbing out the window.” Thomas almost laughed as Newt turned to an older boy standing nearby, whose face had turned bright red. “Congrats, Jeff,” Newt said. “You’re officially the first guy here to get your butt beat by a girl. ↗

— James Dashner

#maze-runner #teresa #humor

I believe in evolution in the sense that a short-tempered man is the successor of a crybaby. ↗

— Criss Jami

#belief #clever #comparison #control #crying