#un

And," added Mikey. "she's my sister." The others looked at him for a moment, and broke out laughing. "Yeah, yeah," Squirrel scoffed, "and the McGill is my cousin." Now Allie burst out laughing, which made Mikey more annoyed. "If the McGill was your cousin," Mikey said, "I can guarantee he'd disown you. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#cousin #funny #mary #mcgill #squirrel

I may not always be right, but when I am, I admit it ↗

— Ken Murray

#funny #funny

No, officer, I have no idea why I'm wearing this possum costume. I called you what? OH. My bad." -Nastasya ↗

— Cate Tiernan

#funny

What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally shit myself lifeless. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#attack #bear #camp #camping #funny

Sometimes I wish I had an easy answer for why I'm depressed. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#its-kind-of-a-funny-story #ned-vizinni #funny

At the very leadt, we can grab Monica and hustle her skanky ass back to her dad wile you brave, strong menfolk hold off the bad guys. Right? ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor #random #funny

We're clear," she said. "You're kind of a psycho. I get that ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #morganville-vampires #funny

She had put on make-up in a colour scheme that indicated she might be colourblind. ↗

— Stieg Larsson

#make-up #funny

Sheep hurt my father, and through my father, sheep have also hurt me. ↗

— Haruki Murakami

#funny

Last winter, when so many Living joined the Dead and our prey became scarce, I watched some of my friends become full-dead. The transition was undramatic. They just slowed down, then stopped, and after a while I realised they were corpses. It disquieted me at first, but it’s against etiquette to notice when one of us dies. I distracted myself with some groaning. ↗

— Isaac Marion

#funny