#us

A knock came at the door. Everyone looked up. Elena's nostrils flared and she leaned over to whisper something to Clay. "Fuck," he muttered. "Keep talking, Jaime. It's only Cassandra. She can wait. Forever, if we're lucky." "I heard that, Clayton," Cassandra said as she walked in. "Who the hell forgot to lock the door?" Clay said. "You were the last one in," Elena murmured. "Damn. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor #mistrust #humor

Eww," Jack said, and then giggled. "Yeah, and a Paris Hilton doll that had an optional brain."Aphrodite raised her brow at him. "Don't go all crazy. There are some things even Paris Hilton can't buy. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#humor

‎"If you want that kind of thing, call Nick. His advice is shit, but he really likes to give it. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor

You don't like me, but you love me; either way, you're wrong. ↗

— Morrissey

#life #love #lyrics #music #humor

You can't believe everything people tell you - not even if those people are your own brain. ↗

— Jefferson Smith

#belief #credibility #fantasy #gullibility #humor

What kind of Christmas present would Jesus ask Santa for? ↗

— Salman Rushdie

#humor #jesus #humor

Are you all right?” he asked Olivia. His heart was still racing with terror that she’d been hurt. “I heard a woman scream.” “Ah, that would have been me,” Sebastian said. Harry looked down on his cousin, face frozen in disbelief. “You made that noise?” “It hurt,” Sebastian bit off. Harry fought not to laugh. “You scream like a leettle girl. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#cousins #humor #humor

I mingle with my peers or no one, and since I have no peers, I mingle with no one. ↗

— John Kennedy Toole

#ignatious-j-reilly #new-orleans #humor

Spontaneous human combustion is for superstitious atheists. I believe in deliberate human combustion. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

Taking a deep breath that smelled of rain, she was poised to move when a hand clasped her elbow. Memories of another hand grabbing her sent panic shooting through her veins. She swung around. "Whoa. You okay?" Lucas lightened his clasp around her arm. Kylie caught her breath and stared up at the werewolf's blue eyes. "Yeah. You just...surprised me. You need to whistle when you come up on me. ↗

— C.C. Hunter

#humor #kylie #lucas #paranormal #taken-at-dusk