#vamp

I spent the next fifteen minutes convincing a crying werewolf that I wasn’t going to hurt her. My life was getting too strange, even for me. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#humor #humor

Okay, okay, okay … go to your corners, boys. This is a nice Aubusson carpet you’re standing on. You get blood on it and I’ll have Fritz so far up my ass I’ll be coughing on his hankie. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#jr-ward #lover-mine #vampires #ward #humor

The two things that matter the most to me: emotional resonance and rocket launchers. Party of Five, a brilliant show--and often made me cry uncontrollably--suffered ultimately from a lack of rocket launchers. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#commentary #humor #humor

I know it's practical for career women, but sneakers with suits? Jesus couldn't possibly weep harder than I did. ↗

— MaryJanice Davidson

#fashion #humor #vampires #humor

Jane: "Missy was not so subtly reminding me that she had done something nice for me and here i was being rude when all she was asking me to do was attend a nice party. This was the way southern women worked all peaches & cream laced with arsenic. ↗

— Molly Harper

#humorous #jane #vampire #humor

You may stay. But Jessica, please watch what you say and do. Don't look them in the eyes for long. Speak only when spoken to. Yes, sir; yes, ma'am." "Sit up. Arf," I teased. "What about her?" Jessica cried, pointing in my general direction. "She's more in need of an etiquette lesson than I am." "Yeah," I said, "but I'm the Queen. With a capital fucking Q. Hey, you're looking me in the eyes for too long! Eric, make her stop! ↗

— MaryJanice Davidson

#humor #vampires #humor

I had two cups of coffee, put Eric's jeans in the washer, read a romance for awhile, and studied my brand-new Word of the Day calendar, a Christmas gift from Arlene. My first word of the New Year was 'exsanguinate.' This was probably not a good omen. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#vampire #humor

She remembered Grace telling her about Lorcan's evasiveness when she'd first joined the Noctourne-his ability to speak without saying anything, to talk in riddles. He's a conundrum, thought Cheng Li. A walking, talking conundrum ↗

— Justin Somper

#conundrum #humor #vampirates #humor

Welcome to the fascinating world of the undead! Please use this guidebook as a handy reference as you make your first steps toward eternity. Inside you will find information on vampire nutrition, relationships, and safety. But before learning about your future, a word about our past… —From The Guide for the Newly Undead ↗

— Molly Harper

#vampire #humor

I do believe in shooting the messenger. You know why? Because it sends a message. ↗

— Damon Salvador

#vampire-diaries #humor