#vampire

I had two cups of coffee, put Eric's jeans in the washer, read a romance for awhile, and studied my brand-new Word of the Day calendar, a Christmas gift from Arlene. My first word of the New Year was 'exsanguinate.' This was probably not a good omen. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#vampire #humor

Welcome to the fascinating world of the undead! Please use this guidebook as a handy reference as you make your first steps toward eternity. Inside you will find information on vampire nutrition, relationships, and safety. But before learning about your future, a word about our past… —From The Guide for the Newly Undead ↗

— Molly Harper

#vampire #humor

I do believe in shooting the messenger. You know why? Because it sends a message. ↗

— Damon Salvador

#vampire-diaries #humor

She raised a sharp eyebrow at him. "Vlad, no offense, but look at you. If you're not a vampire, you're clearly the most anemic goth I've ever seen."... "We believed you. Because that's what friends do." pg267 October to Vlad ↗

— Heather Brewer

#friends #goth #humor #october #vampire

I had lied so much lately that I was honestly surprised my pants weren't literally made of fire. ↗

— Michelle Rowen

#vampire #humor

Why go for something cold and dead, when you can have something hot and panting? ↗

— K.R. Smith

#vampires #werewolves #humor

Is this bitch crazy? I don't want to 'accidentally' drown ↗

— J.L. McCoy

#vampire #humor

I mean, electric shock? Isn’t that a bit... electric shock-y? ↗