#w

All women love semi-rape. They love to be taken.It was his sweet brutality against my bruised body that made his act of love so piercingly wonderful. ↗

— Ian Fleming

#rape #sex #wtf #love

Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks? ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#butler #eoin-colfer #humor #humor

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. ↗

— Leo Rosten

#children #humor #w-c-fields #humor

Man who hates cats is insecure, but a man who likes them is one worth keeping. If he can appreciate a cat, he can appreciate a strong, independent woman. ↗

— Larissa Ione

#lifestyle #man #woman #humor

But ever since I made the decision to drop a few pounds-way less easy than it sounds, by the way-I've become obsessed with my size and in so doing I've inadvertently allowed my inner critic to have a voice. And you know what? She's a bitch. Like now when I see my underpants in the laundry, I no longer think Soft! Cotton! Sensible! Instead I hear her say Damn, girl, these panties be huge. ↗

— Jen Lancaster

#weightloss #humor

You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last present you gave me was a stick.” “You wanted a weapon.” “It was a stick.” “It had a bow on it.” “It was a stick.” “I thought you liked the stick. You laughed. ↗

— Derek Landy

#presents #skulduggery-pleasant #stick #valkyrie-cain #weapon

She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature--that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#writer #humor

APD is primarily defined as a lack of empathy,' I said. I'd looked it up too, a few months ago. Empathy is what allows people to interpret emotion, the same way ears interpret sounds; without it you become emotionally deaf. 'It means I don't connect emotionally with other people. I wondered if he was going to pick that one.' 'How do you even know that?' she said. 'You're fifteen years old, for goodness' sake. You should be ... I don't know, chasing girls or playing video games.' 'You're telling a sociopath to chase girls? ↗

— Dan Wells

#humor #john-weaver #sociopath #humor

She has great breasts," the Colonel said without looking up from the whale. "DO NOT OBJECTIFY WOMEN'S BODIES!" Alaska shouted. Now he looked up. "Sorry. Perky breasts." "That's not any better! ↗

— John Green

#humor #wise #humor

But-" Maia, still looking over at Alec and Magnus, broke off and raised her eyebrows. Simon turned to see what she was looking at- and stared. Alec had his arms around Magnus and was kissing him, full on the mouth. Magnus, who appeared to be in a state of shock, stood frozen. Several groups of people- Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike- were staring and whispering. Glancing to the side, Simon saw the Lightwoods, their eyes wide, gaping at the display. Maryse had her hand over her mouth. Maia looked perplexed. "Wait a second," she said. "Do we all have to do that, too? ↗

— Cassandra Clare City of Glass

#humor #love #magnus-bane #malec #humor