#w

How many kids are in the Graveyard?" "A bunch." "Who sends your supplies?" "George Washington. Or is it Abraham Lincoln? I forget." "How often do you receive new arrivals?" "About as often as you beat your wife. ↗

— Neal Shusterman

#humorous #risa-ward #sarcasm #sarcastic #snark

Trains are great dirty smoky things," said Will. "You won't like it." Tessa was unmoved. "I won't know if I like it until I try it, will I?" "I've never swam naked in the Thames, but I know I wouldn't like it. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#tessa-gray #will-herondale #humor

Nobody with any real sense of humor *can* write a love story. . . . Shakespeare is the exception that proves the rule. (90-91) ↗

— L.M. Montgomery

#love-story #romance #shakespeare #writing #humor

Here are the two states in which you may exist: person who writes, or person who does not. If you write: you are a writer. If you do not write: you are not. Aspiring is a meaningless null state that romanticizes Not Writing. It’s as ludicrous as saying, “I aspire to pick up that piece of paper that fell on the floor.” Either pick it up or don’t. I don’t want to hear about how your diaper’s full. Take it off or stop talking about it. ↗

— Chuck Wendig

#aspiring-writers #humor #humor

Didn't anyone tell you that size doesn't matter?" "Yes, but I told him to put his pants back on and go home. ↗

— Christine Warren

#humorous #humor

You either trust me or you don't. I've never let you down, and I won't walk away unless you make me. Period. Now, unless you have a real emergency, I'd like to get back to my vacation. And my corpse, thanks. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat-crawfield #catherine-crawfield #funny #humor #jeaniene-frost

I would have understood if they had of killed him~~MaryL Daughter of Darkness ↗

— L.J. Smith

#night-world #humor

You’re like seven feet tall, aren’t you?” “I am not seven feet tall,” he snapped at her as if she’d really insulted him. “I’m six-eleven.” When she smirked in disbelief, he added, “And three-quarters. ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#humor #lock #humor

Did I expect him to think sucking my cock was anything other than disgusting? I‟d never even kissed a girl, and believe me, if someone forced me to take part in some below-the-belt mouth-to-vagina action, I think I‟d probably vomit. ↗

— Cardeno C.

#sweet-romance #humor

He kills her in her own humor. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#shakespeare #taming-of-the-shrew #humor