#weigh

If I hired one of the stock boys to chase me around the store with a licorice whip, I'd be thin by Christmas. ↗

— Jennette Fulda

#weight-loss #humor

You want to know the story? I'd be happy to tell you. I think I have just enough caloric energy stored up to make it through the telling of the tale. It's short. I am monstrously fat. I am a glutton. My wife was disgusted and repulsed. She gave me six months to lose one hundred pounds. I joined Weight Watchers . . . see it there, right across the street, that gaunt storefront? This afternoon was the big six-month weigh-in. So to speak. I had gained almost seventy pounds in the six months. An errant Snickers bar fell out of the cuff of my pants and rolled against my wife's foot as I stepped on the scale. The scale over there across the street is truly an ingenious device. One preprograms the desired new weight into it, and if one has achieved or gone below that new low weight, the scale bursts into recorded whistles and cheers and some lively marching-band tune. Apparently, tiny flags protrude from the top and wave mechanically back and forth. A failure--see for instance mine--results in a flatulent dirge of disappointed and contemptuous tuba. To the strains of the latter my wife left, the establishment, me, on the arm of a svelte yogurt distributor whom I am even now planning to crush, financially speaking, first thing tomorrow morning. Ms. Beadsman, you will find an eclair on the floor to the left of your chair. Could you perhaps manipulate it onto this plate with minimal chocolate loss and pass it to me. ↗

— David Foster Wallace

#humor #weight-loss #humor

She'd lost two more pounds. A picture of the models she'd cut out of the magazine flashed through Kessa's mind. And the winner is... seventy-three! ↗

— Steven Levenkron

#eating-disorder #models #weight #eating-disorders

When you're the spokeswoman for a weight-loss program, everything is witnessed. I weigh in once a week with a witness. I have to sign an affidavit saying I cannot have any surgeries. ↗

— Kirstie Alley

#any #cannot #everything #i #once

My mom cooked pot roast with noodles and frozen vegetables. Or she'd make spaghetti or hot dogs, or heat up TV dinners. Before I started modeling at age 19, I was 5'8" and weighed 165 pounds. ↗

— Carol Alt

#before #cooked #dinners #dogs #frozen

Actors worry about bad breath, weight, receding hairlines and why their leading lady looks like their daughter. ↗

— Matthew Ashford

#bad #bad breath #breath #daughter #lady

I think it's best if there's an amendment that goes on the ballot where the people can weigh in. Every time this issue has gone on the ballot, the people have voted to retain the traditional definition of marriage as recently as California in 2008. ↗

— Michele Bachmann

#ballot #best #california #definition #every

I'd just turned 50, weighed 285, and my doctor had read me the riot act about my health. ↗

— Daniel Baldwin

#act #doctor #had #health #i

Another mode of accumulating power arises from lifting a weight and then allowing it to fall. ↗

— Charles Babbage

#another #arises #fall #lifting #mode

I occasionally go to the gym and I lift free weights, I don't use machines. ↗

— Eric Bana

#go #gym #i #lift #machines