#y

But first I had to get through the ironing. It took a lot of patience. I had none. It took forever, and then I had to press the whole shirt again to get out the creases I’d pressed into it. ↗

— Jennifer Echols

#humour #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

Plastic surgery is for dolls. I am a mannequin of life. I have a particularly charming effect when seen through glass. ↗

— Bauvard

#good-looks #handsomeness #humor #plastic-surgery #funny

I had shaved my beard for her-a huge disappointment, because I’d enjoyed my three weeks looking like a bank robber. ↗

— Jennifer Echols

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

Thank goodness it only lasted a minute or so. The inhalant, that is. The sex was rather longer ↗

— Belle de Jour

#humor #humorous-quotes #funny

MRS. RASKINS: Slow dancing isn't about moving. It’s about body heat. LUKE: Was slow dancing invented to cure hypothermia? MRS. RASKINS: No, hypothermia was invented to give people an excuse to slow dance. LUKE: So that's what they did on polar expeditions. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #hypothermia #funny

Being upright and uncompromising will lead to unemployment by themselves. But to be willfully ignorant of a calling in life as well, that is the denial of a born alcoholic. ↗

— Bauvard

#callings #denial #funny #humor #jobs

I prefer to have people read books for me and then summarize them in a few sentences. It’s the same as if I had read them myself, except it takes longer. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #reading #summarizing #funny

Speaking the French culture is so much easier on the palate than speaking the language. It makes you sophisticated to talk with your mouth full. ↗

— Bauvard

#french #funny #humor #funny

I've done tangos with men who thought my ass was a squeaky toy. ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#funny #humor #tango #toy #funny

HUGH: What I want to know is, where do the Aussies get off thinking they’re tougher than cowboys? JESSICA: Cowboys fight men with guns. Aussies fight nature with knives. HUGH: Nature can be killed, sister. That is the difference. Its landscapes are reduced to photographic reproductions every day and its laws are destined to become outmoded paradigms. But human nature is immutable. ↗

— Bauvard

#cowboys #funny #humor #nature #funny