#y

It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn ↗

— James Patterson

#funny #max #popcorn #ride #funny

Well, then, Otter, of course I don’t like Bundt cake. It has eggs in it. Baby chicken eggs. You don’t see chickens standing outside of maternity wards waiting to get our babies to make their Bundt cake, do you? ↗

— T.J. Klune

#the-kid #vegetarianism #funny

And you are the girl's bitch, forever. ↗

— Alison Goodman

#eona #forever #funny #ido #yuso

It was funny how the old practices always came around again. It was the rhythm of human enterprise to invent and worship some new approach, to fully reject it a generation later, to realize the need for it again a generation or two after that and then hastily reinvent it as new, usually without its original elegance. Scientists hated to look backward for anything. ↗

— Ann Brashares

#funny

Companionship is a foreign concept to some people. They fear it as much as the majority of people fear loneliness. ↗

— Criss Jami

#companion #companionship #different #extroversion #fear

Odd as this might sound, I suppose I’m glad you’re here, Jacob. [Edward Cullen] ↗

— Stephenie Meyer

#rivalry #friendship

What a schmuck! ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#funny #kids-lit #lemony-snickets #series-of-unfortunate-events #funny

Your pants are unseasonably bitch. I beg your pardon. Excuse me, madam, but you are sitting on my erection. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#erection #funny #funny

He had no doubt that he knew who Ty was now, inside and out. He knew every one of Ty's quirks and weak spots and favorite things. He knew what Ty found funny and what annoyed him. He knew what would break his heart. He knew how to touch him to drive him wild, and when to back off when Ty was having a bad day. He knew that Ty was kind and loyal and funny, that he had a deep sense of honor and righteousness. He knew that Ty would die to save a stranger, and kill to save a friend. That was the type of man he was. ↗

— Abigail Roux

#funny

Down the well," Angela repeated, and had to go sit down and hold on to her letter opener. It was in the shape of a dagger. Angela said holding it soothed her; seeing Angela hold it did not soothe Kami. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#funny #funny