#y

A brick can become a trip to Breckenridge, if you get hit on the head with one and get knocked unconscious.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I went to the priest for confession, but he didn’t do it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #priest #funny

A brick could be used to commit genocide on a small patch of grass, if you lay the brick down on the lawn and leave it there long enough. But I do not condone this monstrosity of lawntrocity. (Lawn + atrocity—clever, no? OK, no, it’s not so clever. To have any lawngevity as a writer, I’ve got to avoid making clunky, brick-like puns.)
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick can’t cure cancer. But who knows, maybe a brick combined with a blanket could. I’ll have to ask Dr. Burzynski about it.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Fuck You!' [Oskar said] 'Exuse me!' [His mom said] 'Sorry. I mean, screw you.' 'You need a time-out!' 'I need a mausoleum! ↗

— Jonathan Safran Foer

#jonathan-safran-foer #oskar-schell #sad #funny

I can't help it, I run up to him and put my arms around him. Shocked he pulls away, just a little because my arms are still around him and he lifts my head to look at him and kisses me. "And you've been trying to act like you aren't interested." he says while smiling that smile that makes butterflies suddenly appear in multitudes in my stomach. ↗

— Sara Daniell

#funny

Hold up. How do you accidentally have sex with somebody?" Adina scoffed. "Is she all, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't s ee your penis there'?" Tiara squealed and waved her hands. "Don't say that word!" "What? Accidentally? Sorry? Penis?" "Gah!" Tiara put her fingers in her ears. "What about phallic?" Petra teased. "Like, 'Yon volcano is quite phallic, Lady Tiara.'" Tiara looked confused. "Phallic means penis-like," Petra explained. "Ooh," Tiara said. ↗

— Libba Bray

#funny

What is that?" Dad said, looking at the doll. "It’s called the Scream," I said. "I know that, but what us it?” Dad said. “Maybe she sleeps with it,” I said to Dad as he tucked it under his arm. “Then no wonder it’s screaming,” he said. ↗

— Douglas Rees

#humor #funny

Supplementing the far, remote Glory-of-God expression in his face, the glory-of-doughnuts shone suddenly very warmly. ↗

— Eleanor Hallowell Abbott

#funny #humor #funny

But though it had prevailed against such fierce adversaries as fire and flood, it had fallen victim softly and swiftly to television in the 1960's. ↗

— Kate Morton

#irony #technology #television #theatres #funny