#y

Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache - it is better for the health. However, I always carried a jewel-studded cigarette case in which, instead of tobacco, were carefully placed several mustaches, Adolphe Menjou style. I offered them politely to my friends: "Mustache? Mustache? Mustache?" Nobody dared to touch them. This was my test regarding the sacred aspect of mustaches. ↗

— Salvador Dalí

#dalí #humor #mustache #humor

Don't blame me. Tell your mom to move closer. Tell her there's this new club called civilization and you guys should join. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#humor #hush-hush #vee-sky #humor

Hey, Carlos," the Professor says when he walks in. "How was REACH?" "It sucked." "Can you be more specific?" my guardian asks. "It really sucked," I elaborate, sarcasm dripping from every word. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor #perfect-chemistry #sarcasm #humor

Mulling this over, Vlad wiped her lip gloss from his lips with the back of his hand.Vampires, after all, didn't sparkle. ↗

— Heather Brewer

#humor #humor

You know how confusing the whole good-evil concept is for me. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#good #good-and-evil #humor #morality #humor

I love Huey Lewis, but not the News, because the News is too depressing. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#huey-lewis #humor #news #weird #funny

I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cigarette #fog #funny #humor #inhale

Penny: But, he turned out to be really sweet. Sometimes people are layered like that. There’s something totally different underneath than what’s on the surface. Dr Horrible: And sometimes there’s a third even deeper level and that’s the same as the top surface one. Penny: Huh? Dr Horrible: Like with pie. ↗

— 'Dr Horrible' writers

#human-nature #humor #snark #humor

I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #magic #humor

I still can't believe," Michael said, sotto voce, "that you came to the Vampires' Masquerade Ball dressed as a vampire. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #michael-carpenter #humor