Pens Confessions

I have this deeply ingrained impulse to steal things which people leave lying around. Usually it's only worthless shit but I need to have them. My apartment is full with this shit already. But I just love the look on the face of people when they noticed they can't find the fork they just used or the pen they just put on the table.
I have a big collection of all things. Some are categorized in who they belonged to, others in they usefulness.

For example, I steal a lot of things from my colleague who I share a desk at work with. I already have 13 spoons, 3 bowls, 27 bobby pins, 2 mugs, 4 bubble gums (already chewed), some stray hair, 5 deodorant, 1 pumpkin (was decoration for her desk), 46 pencils and one jacket in my possession.

I like to just touch the stuff and imagine what the other person might have used it for.
It's weird I know. I love it.

#weird   #stealing   #stuff   #shit   #confession   #sin   #colleague   #pens   #decoration   #love  

I got a raise a few months ago and I bought a very (and I mean VERY) expensive bottle of wine. Because I can, why not?
Anyway that is not the issue.. I am married and we are very good friends with this other couple. We meet like every other week to go on double dates or meet for game nights. We invited the other couple a few weeks ago and we played board games. As the husband is a wine lover, he noticed the expensive bottle standing in our wine rack. While playing he Monopoly, he suddenly had the briliant idea that the winner would get the wine.
HELL NO! That was so fucking expensive, you dipshit!!
I disagreed, but told them that I would bring the bottle to our next game night.
Game night was yesterday and before we met up, the husband called to make sure that I'd bring the wine.
I would like to confess that I (of course) did not bring MY VERY EXPENSIVE bottle of wine to a stupid game night. I opened the bottle, decanted the wine and poured some really cheap wine into the bottle of the expensive one.
I was so curious to see what'd happen when the self-proclaimed "wine connoisseur" tasted the cheapp booze. Well, as you can guess, he thought it was THE BEST THING HE EVER DRANK. HaHaHaHaHaHa
No one noticed a difference, not even my wife and I am not going to tell her because she was gushing about how generous I was to share this expensive wine with her and our friends. If only she knew...

#wine   #cheap   #expensive   #bottle   #sharing   #notsharing   #couple   #lie