#ali

Himmlisch ist's wenn ich bezwungen Meine irdische Begier; Aber doch wenn's nich gelungen Hatt' ich auch recht huebsch Plaisir! Loosely translated: It is heavenly, when I overcome My earthly desires But nevertheless, when I'm not successful, It can also be quite pleasurable. ↗

— Leo Tolstoy

#sexuality #unfaithful #humor

Dancing?' Annabeth asked. Thalia nodded. She cocked her ear to the music and made a face. 'Ugh. Who chose Jesse McCartney?' Grover looked hurt. 'I did. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #jesse-mccartney #thalia-grace #humor

The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it. ↗

— Lewis Grizzard

#drinking #humor #humor

So what if those stupid roosters don't want to crow? If we've learned to live without men, we can learn to live without cocks. ↗

— James Cañón

#humor #james-cañón #magic-realism #mariquita #tales-from-the-town-of-widows

Do I really run like that?" (Kitty) "Yup," Martini confirmed. "Don't worry, I think it's sexy." "Thank God. I think I look like a cheetah on drugs. ↗

— Gini Koch

#humor #sci-fi #humor

You know, there are several gay men on the faculty. Professor Montag makes jelly beans look colorless(...) ↗

— Tara Lain

#gender-stereotypes #homosexuality #humorous #humor

All through the night, men looked at the sky and were saddened by the stars. ↗

— Joseph Heller

#humor #stars #war #humor

The pen is mightier than the sword unless it's a real sword in which case the guy with the pen should run away fast. ↗

— Roger Eschbacher

#practicality-for-intellectuals #swords #writing #humor

You wanna know why the world is f**ked? This is why, this is exactly why…right here. Get a pen, write this down, this is important…The world is f**ked up because I eat WonderBread preserved with formaldehyde that lasts three weeks and will never grow mold as long as it’s kept in its magic silver bag. The world is f**ked up because I know my cans of tuna have mercury in it. The world is f**ked up because I know my flake light tuna and WonderBread are poisonous, yet I still eat them! ↗

— Shannon Lyndsy

#humor #satire #humor

If Nostradamus and Tiresias used gay magic to have a baby, and that baby grew up to make a lot of predictions about the destiny of clones – if that happened, then I would have a reason to convert to asexuality. As it is, I just kind of felt like not doing it. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#clones #funny #humor #prophecy #funny