#am

Perv." He pointed to himself. "Male and eighteen. What's your point? ↗

— Rachel Caine

#morganvillevampires #funny

I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#america #drink #funny #humor #love

I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?" "You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't." "There goes my Saturday. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-lost-souls #funny #humor #lambada #magnus-bane

Aside from the obvious, Francesca, what do you want in return for supplying information?” Bones asked, getting back to the subject. “You to take me,” she replied at once. “Not gonna happen!” I spat, squeezing him possessively. Three sets of widened eyes fixed on me. That’s when I realized that what I had a firm grip on was no longer his hand. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#love #vampire #funny

We are more disturbed by a calamity which threatens us than by one which has befallen us. ↗

— John Lancaster Spalding

#disturbed #more #than #threatens #us

They call me, The Sharkalator ↗

— James Patterson

#funny #gazzy #maximum-ride #name-calling #nicknames

I'm a little bit naked, but that's okay. ↗

— Lady Gaga

#funny #gaga #germanotta #hilarious #interview

Shane looked…pale. Pale and shaken and—how predictable was this?—pissed. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#morganville-vampires #shane-collins #funny

Maybe they know what I know, that the true way to a man's heart is six inches of metal between his ribs. Sometimes four inches will do the job, but to be really sure, I like to have six. Funny how phallic objects are always more useful the bigger they are. Anyone who tells you size doesn't matter has been seeing too many small knives. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#laurell-k-hamilton #funny

I want to be strapped to a table, while a family of chickens argues over who gets to eat my legs. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#chicken #funny #family