#andrews

I'll call you," he repeated. "If you call me, I won't pick up the phone." "You will wait by the phone for my call, and when it rings, you will pick it up and you will speak to me in a civil manner. If you don't know how, ask someone. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ilona-andrews #kate #magic-bleeds #civilization

Wiggles hissed as I crossed the floor toward the throne. She fixed me with her empty hateful eyes and smelled the air, her long tongue shivering through the slit of the lipless mouth. Nice to see you too, sweetheart. Remember my cattle prod? ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ilona-andrews #magic-bites #humor

Kate Daniels, deadly swordmaster. Fear my twitching pinkie. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#kate #magic-bleeds #ilona-andrews

Next to me, Saiman smiled. "We all want what we can't have, Kate. I want you, you want love, and he wants to break my neck. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#ilona-andrews #kate #magic-bleeds #saiman #love

Doode," George said. He'd practiced all morning but still didn't get it quite right. "Nope, more u, less oo. Duuude." "Dude." "Dude." "Okay, dude." George nodded. "How's it hanging?" Jack asked. "How am I supposed to answer that?" George looked at him. "I don't think Kaldar said anything about that. I guess 'good'? I don't get it. What's hanging anyway?" George shook his head. "Your stuff, you nimwit." His stuff...Oh. Ha! "In that case, it's hanging long!" Jack dissolved in giggles. "Long, get it? ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#fate-s-edge #funny #george #hanging #ilona-andrews

At the door, Audrey called, "Are you coming?" "No, just breathing hard, love." He glanced at her and was rewarded by an outraged glare, followed by, "Oh, my God! ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#fate-s-edge #funny #ilona-andrews #kaldar #the-edge

He had the prettiest hair she had ever seen on a man: dark brown, almost black, and soft like sable, it fell down to his shoulders. She wondered what he'd do if she threw some mud in it. Probably kill her. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#cerise #funny #hair #ilona-andrews #the-edge

I flexed my wrist, popped a silver needle into my palm, and offered it to him. 'What's this?' 'A needle.' 'What should I do with it?' He'd walked right into it. Too easy. 'Please use it to pop your head. It's obscuring my view of the room.' - Kate & Saiman ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#kate-daniels #magic-strikes #saiman #shapeshifters #kate

Audrey turned to him, a sly little spark hiding in her eyes. "THe only man who gets to call me'love' would be waking up next to me after a very, very fun night. Fun night. Oh yes. "Guess what?" She leaned closer. "You will never be that man. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#fate-s-edge #fun #funny #ilona-andrews #kaldar

Breaking into the house in the middle of the night just wasn't his style. He did his best work in plain view, and, usually, his tongue was doing most of it. Now that was an interesting thought. Heh. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#funny #ilona-andrews #kaldar #the-edge #tongue