#are

If you're like most members of the Baby Boom generation, you decided somewhere along the line, probably after about four margaritas, to have children. This was inevitable. Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor #parenting #humor

Babies don't come with instruction booklets. You'd learn the same way we all do -- you'd read up on dinosaurs, you'd Google backhoes and skidders. And you don't need a penis to go buy a baseball glove. ↗

— Jodi Picoult

#humor #life #parenting #humor

LEELA: 'To be, or not to be, that is the question.' That is a very stupid question! THE DOCTOR: It's Shakespeare. LEELA: And that is a very stupid name. You do not shake a spear, you throw it! Throwspeare, now that is a name. ↗

— John Dorney

#humor #shakespeare #humor

Teagan: How long has it been since you read a book that didn’t havevampires in it? Abby: They write books with no vampires? Wait...the penguins made us read that Shakesrear guy, right? Teagan: Shakespeare. ↗

— Kersten Hamilton

#shakespeare #vampires #humor

...When a man first awakens, it sometimes takes several moments before he starts thinking clearly." "And here I thought it took several years, perhaps a lifetime for the average man's intellect to kick in. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#gwen #humor #intellect #karen-marie-moning #kiss-of-the-highlander

Could it be? Samantha Kingston? Home? On a Friday?” I roll my eyes. “I don’t know. Did you do a lot of acid in the sixties? Could be a flashback.” “I was two years old in 1960. I came too late for the party.” He leans down and pecks me on the head. I pull away out of habit. “And I’m not even going to ask how you know about acid flashbacks.” “What’s an acid flashback?” Izzy crows. “Nothing,” my dad and I say at the same time, and he smiles at me. ↗

— Lauren Oliver

#humorous #parents-and-children #humor

You need to remember that. If you’re to have decent lives, you have to know who you are and what lies ahead of you, every one of you. ↗

— Kazuo Ishiguro

#self-awareness #life

As Shakespeare says, if you're going to do a thing you might as well pop right at it and get it over. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#shakespeare #humor

The satisfying sound of bone giving way, as well as his outraged cry, made the you-had-it-coming-asshole angles sing. ↗

— J.A. Saare

#humor #ja-saare #renfield-syndrome #rhiannon #rhiannon-s-laws

I had made her so unhappy that she had developed a sense of humor. [-Rabo Karabekian] ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#rabo-karebekian #wife #wives #humor