#asexual

If Nostradamus and Tiresias used gay magic to have a baby, and that baby grew up to make a lot of predictions about the destiny of clones – if that happened, then I would have a reason to convert to asexuality. As it is, I just kind of felt like not doing it. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#clones #funny #humor #prophecy #funny

People talk a lot about all the homosexuals there are to see in Greenwich Village, but it was all the neuters that caught my eye that day. These were my people -- as used as I was to wanting love from nowhere, as certain as I was that almost anything desirable was likely to be booby-trapped. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#asexuality #love #love

I want to be asexual, because then I could be more productive. But not reproductive. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #productive #reproductive #funny

I make believe like asexuals make love—alone, with cardboard tubes.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#asexual #cardboard-tubes #imagination #love #make-believe

My husband and I see each other only on weekends, and generally get along well. We're like good friends, life partners able to spend some pleasant time together. We talk about all sorts of things, and we trust each other implicitly. Where and how he has a sex life I don't know,and I don't really care. We never make love, though -- never even touch each other. I feel bad about it, but I don't want to touch him. I just don't want to. ↗

— Haruki Murakami

#life-partners #love

--the ethereal, fine-nerved, sensitive girl, quite unfitted by temperament and instinct to fulfil the conditions of the matrimonial relation with Phillotson, possibly with scarce any man... ↗

— Thomas Hardy

#ethereal #matrimony #men #nerves #prude

I want to write a book called, "Ten Steps to Asexuality." Of course, I recommend all those steps be taken in Birkenstock sandals. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#book #funny #write #funny

I was worried about sex," he went on. "But you know what, Sulie? It's like being told I can't have any caviar for the next couple years. I don't even like caviar. And when you come right down to it, I don't want sex right now. I supposed you punched that into the computer? 'Cut down sex drive, increase euphoria'? Anyway, it finally penetrated my little brain that I was just making trouble for myself, worrying about whether I could get along without something I really didn't want. It's a reflection of what I think other people think I should want. ↗

— Frederik Pohl

#science-fiction #sex #science

I'm asexual, though occasionally I'm attracted to inanimate objects. Mainly tube-shaped objects. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#attraction #funny #sex #funny