#coffee

Monday ushers in a particularly impressive clientele of red-eyed people properly pressed into dry-cleaned suits in neutral tones. They leave their equally well-buttoned children idling in SUVs while dashing to grab double-Americanos and foamy sweet lattes, before click-clacking hasty escapes in ass-sculpting heels and polished loafers with bowl-shaped haircuts that age every face to 40. My imagination speed evolves their unfortunate offspring from car seat-strapped oxygen-starved fast-blooming locusts, to the knuckle-drag harried downtown troglodytes they’ll inevitably become. One by one I capture their flat-formed heads between index finger and thumb for a little crush-crush-crushing, ever aware that if I’m lucky one day their charitable contributions will fund my frown-faced found art project to baffle someone’s hallway. ↗

— Amanda Sledz

#beige #coffeehouse #rich-people #suv #age

I'll know coffee works without cream and sugar when I see people buying unsweetened bakers chocolate for Valentine's Day. ↗

— Kevin Sinnott

#art

China traditionally has been a tea-drinking country but we turned them into coffee drinkers. ↗

— Howard Schultz

#china #coffee #country #drinkers #into

I get on Twitter, one of my routines during the day, if I'm home is, I wake up, get a cup of coffee, turn on the Weather Channel and I'll look at what people are saying to me on Twitter on my phone. ↗

— Blake Shelton

#coffee #cup #day #during #get

Probably millions of Americans got up this morning with a cup of coffee, a cigarette and a donut. No wonder they are sick and fouled up. ↗

— Jack LaLanne

#coffee #cup #got #millions #morning

In America uniformed cops eat in coffee shops, diners and restaurants and I always feel safer having them around. ↗

— Elizabeth Hurley

#america #around #coffee #cops #eat

The only time I drink milk is when I drink coffee. I make love the same way—contributing 2% as I just sort of lay there.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #humor #love #milk #sex

It's early on a beautiful winter morning. The house is quiet. The sun is shining. I'm thankful. I'm happy. My cup runneth over. Now there's coffee everywhere. ↗

— Mindy Levy

#comedy #funny #humor #beauty

Respect doesn’t have to be shiny. It just needs to be wearable. Would you be so kind as to hold my jockstrap while I stir your hot coffee?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#coffee #funny #hold #humor #jockstrap

I told the waitress I wanted some coffee. She asked if I wanted leaded of unleaded, so I had to leave the restaurant, because I quit drinking gasoline years ago. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #gasoline #odd #waitress #funny