#condo

Trojan, Durex, Lifestyles, Trojan Magnum (oh yeah, my three foot cock definitely needed those), Contempo, Vivid and Rough Rider. Seriously? There was a condom brand called Rough Rider? Why not just go with Fuck Her Hard and be done with it? I stood in the "Family Planning" aisle of the grocery store, trying to decide which condom brand was more effective. Family Planning…give me a break. How many people came to this aisle because they were planning a family? They came to this aisle to AVOID planning a family. --Carter ↗

— Tara Sivec

#condom-funny #humor #family

Abstinence, being faithful and correct and consistent condom use are the only ways to successfully reach everyone when discussing HIV prevention. I believe that the abstinence message alone does not solve the AIDS epidemic. ↗

— Ashley Judd

#aids #alone #being #believe #condom

When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “You want me to wear a condom?!”
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— Jarod Kintz

#failure #false-conclusion #horrified #horror #mistake

Love is a banana. First you peel it, and then you roll on the condom.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#condom #food #fruit #funny #humor

For if in careless summer days In groves of Ashtaroth we whored, Repentant now, when winds blow cold, We kneel before our rightful lord; The lord of all, the money-god, Who rules us blood and hand and brain, Who gives the roof that stops the wind, And, giving, takes away again; Who spies with jealous, watchful care, Our thoughts, our dreams, our secret ways, Who picks our words and cuts our clothes, And maps the pattern of our days; Who chills our anger, curbs our hope, And buys our lives and pays with toys, Who claims as tribute broken faith, Accepted insults, muted joys; Who binds with chains the poet’s wit, The navvy’s strength, the soldier’s pride, And lays the sleek, estranging shield Between the lover and his bride. ↗

— George Orwell

#condoms #money #poetry #poverty #sex

Before I lost my father, I never understood the rituals surrounding funerals: the wake, the service itself, the reception afterward,the dinners prepared by well-meaning friends and delivered in plastic containers, even the popular habit of making poster boards filled with photos of the dear departed. But now I know why we do those things. It's busywork, all of it. I had so much to take care of, so many arrangements to make, so many people to inform, I didn't have a moment to be engulfed by the ocean of grief that was lapping at my heels. Instead, I waded through the shallows, performing task after task, grateful to have duties to propel me forward. ↗

— Wendy Webb

#condolence #death #grief #kindness #sympathy

May this be your final sorrow. ↗

— Anita Amirrezvani

#death #death

I must console him for the distance we have moved from the place where he stopped. ↗

— Anne Enright

#death #death

She gave me money to buy condoms, and instead I bought a book of baby names. That’s life. That’s love. That’s fiscally irresponsible.
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— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#baby #baby-names #birth #condoms #fiscally-irresponsible

I bought a packet of Trojan® Ultra Pleasure Extra Sensitive condoms: ‘No. 1 in AMERICA’. They smell nothing like a positive first sexual experience. ↗

— Joe Dunthorne

#humour #sex #virginity #experience