#d

Like sheep, sidhe-seers herd by nature, until you *want* them to go somewhere. Then they're all fluffy bottoms and broken. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humor #humor

In my day the principal concerns of university students were sex, smoking dope, rioting and learning. Learning was something you did only when the first three weren't available. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#learning #students #humor

Sucks to be left out of adolescence, sort of like getting locked in the closet on Venus when the sun appears for the first time in a hundred years. ↗

— Junot Díaz

#humor #nerdiness #ray-bradbury #science-fiction #humor

SHAKE AND BAKE!!!!!!! ↗

— Ricky Bobby

#taladaga-nights #humor

Filled with a coward rage that dares to burn but does not dare to blaze, Lord Emsworth coughed a cough that was undisguisedly a bronchial white flag. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#wodehouse #humor

Leo,” Jason said, “you’re weird.” “Yeah, you tell me that a lot.” Leo grinned. “But if you don’t remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes...! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #young-adult #humor

Jason glanced at the creature. It remained the same distance away as before, still as a statue. "What do you want?" Jason asked. No answer. "Are you the thing that followed Tark? You should keep following him. He's the real mastermind. Shoo. Go hide." No response. "Okay, how about you stand guard while I sleep. Keep the giants away. Sound good? All in favor, hold perfectly still. Fine, I guess we have a deal. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#brandon #humor #jason #lurker #mull

An ordinary man can enjoy breakfasting on juice and rye bread. But when you are underfed, scorned, miserable or just plain bored, you don’t want to eat dull wholesome food. You want something a little more colourful, exciting, tastier, meatier and juicier. ↗

— R.S. Vern

#animated #cat-haee #cathaee #children-s-books #dark

A brick could be used to represent society as a whole. But to represent society as a half, I’d recommend using either a full carton of half and half, or a half-full carton of whole milk.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

You must have been pretty sure, considering you could have killed me." "I was ninety percent sure." "I see." Clary said. There must have been something in her voice, because he turned to look at her. Her hand cracked across his face, a slap that rocked him back on his heels. He put his hand to his cheek, more surprised than in pain. "What the heck was that for?" "The other ten percent. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny #humor #funny