#d

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer. ↗

— W.C. Fields

#drinking #humor #humor

My parents are going to kill me!" "That seems rather harsh... ↗

— Garth Nix

#humor #paranoia #parents #humor

Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache - it is better for the health. However, I always carried a jewel-studded cigarette case in which, instead of tobacco, were carefully placed several mustaches, Adolphe Menjou style. I offered them politely to my friends: "Mustache? Mustache? Mustache?" Nobody dared to touch them. This was my test regarding the sacred aspect of mustaches. ↗

— Salvador Dalí

#dalí #humor #mustache #humor

I am a believer in free will. If my dog chooses to hate the whole human race except myself, it must be free to do so. ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#humor #humor

You know how confusing the whole good-evil concept is for me. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#good #good-and-evil #humor #morality #humor

Kitten, this is my best mate, Charles, but you can call him Spade. Charles, this is Cat, the woman I’ve been telling you about. You can see for yourself that everything I’ve said is…an understatement. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#introduction #humor

I love Huey Lewis, but not the News, because the News is too depressing. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#huey-lewis #humor #news #weird #funny

I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s not cigarette smoke, but I’d understand if you wanted to shave it off and inhale it. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cigarette #fog #funny #humor #inhale

I WILL NOT TOLERATE MENTION OF YOUR ABNORMALITY UNDER THIS ROOF! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humor #magic #humor

I still can't believe," Michael said, sotto voce, "that you came to the Vampires' Masquerade Ball dressed as a vampire. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #michael-carpenter #humor