#d

I really loathe [the bumper sticker] 'Proud Parent of a Terrific Kid!' Why not a bumper sticker for the unlucky parents, something like: 'My Fifteen-Year-Old's in Detox and Not Speaking to Any of Us' or 'My Kid Robbed a 7-Eleven and is in a Center for Youthful Offenders. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#humor #humor

I love being a wizard. Every day is like Disneyland. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

I'm getting a girlfriend soon," said Michael in a serious tone, and everyone laughed. "You've got plenty of time for that, kiddo," said his father. "No need to rush." "Well, I don't want a boyfriend, Daddy," said Madeline. "Boys are dirty, and they make a mess when they eat." "I'd imagine the six-year-old ones would." Xavier chuckled. "But don't worry, they get better at it. ↗

— Alexandra Adornetto

#xavier-woods #humor

Black Court vampires. I just shortened it some." Ebenezar tsked. "Blampires. That's the problem with you young people. Shortening all the words. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#harry-dresden #humor #humor

When a man learns to love, he must bear the risk of hatred. ↗

— Masashi Kishimoto

#best-naruto-qoute #best-qoute #childeren #history #humor

The next day Georgia left for school before I even got to the breakfast table. From behind his newspaper, Papy asked tiredly, "Are you girls on World War Four now, or is it Five? ↗

— Amy Plum

#humor #humor

The shortest distance between two people is a smile. ↗

— Victor Borge

#kindness #music #victor-borge #humor

Here's something for you to remember; you might have been born into money, but you came out of a vagina the same as everyone else. Popping out of one that's rich doesn't make you anything but lucky, or susceptible to being stuck your own arse. Whichever. ↗

— Suzanne Wright

#you-got-told #humor

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a thirty-something woman in possession of a satisfying career and fabulous hairdo must be in want of very little ↗

— Shannon Hale

#romantic-humor #humor

The purpose of life is a life of purpose ↗

— Robert Byrne

#life