#dan

I never understood why you would ever feel the need to shoot the fish in the barrel. I mean, they're in a barrel, you've already caught them. The hard work's done, they can't escape. So if you want them dead, just drain the water out. Why bring guns into it? ↗

— Craig Silvey

#humor #redundancy #humor

Kinzie smiled smugly. “You admire our base of operations? Yes, our distribution system is worldwide. It took many years and most of our fortune to build. Now, finally, we’re turning a profit. The mortals don’t realize they are funding the Amazon kingdom. Soon, we’ll be richer than any mortal nation. Then—when the weak mortals depend on us for everything—the revolution will begin!” “What are you going to do?” Frank grumbled. “Cancel free shipping? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#amazons #frank-zhang #humor #kinzie #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians

Self-doubt is a persuasive mistress; careful not to shag her or you’ll never get your balls back.” - Simon Hunt ↗

— Dannika Dark

#careful #dannika-dark #funny #humor #mageri

Cass, I know you’re only trying to help but I will stab you in your face. ↗

— S.L.J. Shortt

#humor #humor

My girlfriend is a party girl angel who can kick some arse and cook. ↗

— Wendy Higgins

#humor #kaidan #love #humor

There was a sudden commotion in front of us. The Seelie had just sifted in, minus V'Lane, in close proximity to Ryodan, Lor, and Fade. I wasn't sure who was more disgusted. Or homicidal. Velvet hissed. "You have no right to be here!" "Kill it." Ryodan said flatly. "Don't you dare!" I heard Jo snap. "Fucking faeries," Lor muttered. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humor

hermes has threatened me with slow mail. lousy Internet service and a horrible stock market if i publish this story. I hope he is just bluffing. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#heroes-of-olympus #humor #percabeth #percy-jackson #rick-riordan

Her soul is clear of any red seals, but that won't last long, ' cause Papa's come to play. ↗

— Victoria Scott

#humor #the-collector #humor

Like sheep, sidhe-seers herd by nature, until you *want* them to go somewhere. Then they're all fluffy bottoms and broken. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#humor #humor

I'm pretty sure those're my balls you've found,” I said to the man searching my pants. “You gonna count 'em out now? Because I'll save you the trouble. There's two. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#humor #michael #sarcasm #humor