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Nobody comes here anymore, its too crowded ↗


— Yogi Berra


#paradox #popularity #trends #humor

This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs. ↗


— Terry Pratchett


#happy-end #humor #humor

Caddy came home on Friday evening. Perfectly Harmless Patrick brought her in his battered old car... "Crikey, Caddy!" said Indigo, and he disappeared upstairs to tell Rose. Eve murmured, "Sweet," rather doubtfully. Sarah said, not doubtfully at all, "Horrendous! The worst yet. Rock bottom." "He had a very difficult childhood," said Caddy.... "Who didn't?" asked Saffron unsympathetically. "Gosh, he's ancient, Caddy! Look, he's going bald! All that long trailing stuff is just a disguise!" "If I was going bald," said Sarah, "I would face the fact and have it all shaved off." "Well, I thought Mummy would like him," said Caddy defensively. "...Anyway, I can always take him back." "I think you're going to have to, Caddy darling," said Eve... "Hello, Rose darling! Come in and see what Caddy has brought home to show us!" She escaped, and Rose, who had already heard the news from Indigo, glanced at Patrick and began laughing. "See?" said Sarah. "Rose knows! Absolutely rock bottom! You cannot be serious, Caddy!" "Oh, stop looking at him!" said Caddy, uncomfortably. "I'll find something to cover him up with in a minute!" "How long are you leaving him there for?" asked Rose. "Just until Sunday," said Caddy, trying to sound casual. "Till Sunday!" repeated Saffron. "So is Micheal dumped?" "Of course he isn't!" said Caddy indignantly. "I've never dumped anyone!" "Start!" said Saffron. "Otherwise they just pile up, taking up the sofas... ↗


— Hilary McKay


#funny-and-random #love #sisters #family

I keep turning over new leaves, and spoiling them, as I used to spoil my copybooks; and I make so many beginnings there never will be an end. (Jo March) ↗


— Louisa May Alcott


#beginnings #end #fresh-start #new-leaf #start-over

I got a dog-training book. It says Grendel needs mental stimulation, so I tried to train him, but I think he must be retarded. ↗


— Ilona Andrews


#grendel #kate #ilona-andrews

Alanna: All I know is that I'm to jump when I'm told and I have no free time. ↗


— Tamora Pierce


#friends #humor #humor

And Daniel?" She asked. "Daniel was a player-" "Hey!" "That's what they called the actors." Bill rolled his eyes. ↗


— Lauren Kate


#humor #humor

Guns are our friends because in a country without guns, I'm what's known as "prey." All females are. ↗


— Ann Coulter


#politics #second-amendment #humor

[F]rom my years of understanding ... I happily chose this kind of life in which I yet live [i.e., unmarried], which I assure you for my own part hath hitherto best contented myself and I trust hath been most acceptable to God. From the which if either ambition of high estate offered to me in marriage by the pleasure and appointment of my prince ... or if the eschewing of the danger of my enemies or the avoiding of the peril of death ... could have drawn or dissuaded me from this kind of life, I had not now remained in this estate wherein you see me. But so constant have I always continued in this determination ... yet is it most true that at this day I stand free from any other meaning that either I have had in times past or have at this present. ↗


— Elizabeth I Tudor


#choice #contentment #dignity #empowerment #freedom

A whizzpopper!" cried the BFG, beaming at her. "Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping if forbidden among human beans? ↗


— Roald Dahl


#children-s #farting #friendly #gas #giant






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