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#funny

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #funny




My imagination is something of a badass. ↗


— D.C. Pierson


#imagination #funny

I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece. ↗


— Jarod Kintz


#funny #humor #stealing #theft #funny

That cat doesn't have a lick of sense,' I said, sighing. Well, honey, he's not right in the head,' Dad said, flipping his cigarette into the front yard. I glared at him. 'And just what do you mean by that?' Dad counted on his fingers. 'He's cross-eyed; he jumps out of trees after birds and then doesn't land on his feet; he sleeps with his head smashed up against the wall, and the tip of his tail is crooked.' Oh yeah? Well, how about this: he once got locked in a basement by evil Petey Scroggs in the middle of January and survived on snow and little frozen mice. When I'm cold at night he sleeps right on my face. Of that whole litter of kittens he came out of he's the only one left. One of his brothers didn't even have a butthole.' I stand corrected. PeeDink is a survivor. ↗


— Haven Kimmel


#funny

Stick." I said in Russian. I had no clue what the word for stake was. I pointed at the silver ring I wore and made a slashing motion. "Stick. where?" He stared at me in utter confusion and then asked in perfect English, "why are you talking like that? ↗


— Richelle Mead


#funny

Step one: Invade your opponet's mind. This is just like using mind-speak. Try it on me." "That's easy," I said, casting my mental nets toward Dante, ensnaring his mind, and pushing words into his conscious thought. I'm in your mind, having a look around, and it's awfully empty in here. Wiseacre, Dante returned. Nobody says that anymore. Speaking of which, how old are you in Nephilim years? I'd never thought to ask. I swore fealty during Napoleon's invasion of Italy-my homeland. And that was in what year...? Help me out. I'm not a history buff. Dante smiled. 1796. Wow. You're old. ↗


— Becca Fitzpatrick


#dante-and-nora #dante-mazzaratti #finale #funny #hush-hush

You know, poets and songwriters have long known that people like repetition. You know, poets and songwriters have long known that people like repetition. I guess when I say people, I mean everyone but my Grandfather. He hated anything that was so monotonous as repetition. That’s why he loathed walking so much. Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, and on and on. ↗


— Jarod Kintz


#humor #poets #repitition #songwriters #walking

Okay, I'll wear the Bite Me shirt,[...]It'll be my standard response to any­one who tries to hit on me." I giggle. "Someone can come up and be like 'Hey babe, what's your sign?' and I'll just point to my shirt." Rayne laughs appreciatively and tosses me the tank top. "Of course they might think you're pointing to your boobs in a 'have at 'em, big boy' kind of way. ↗


— Mari Mancusi


#funny

One more lesson like that and I might just do a Weasley. ↗


— J.K. Rowling


#weasley-twins #funny

I think we should model parts of the English language after the Inuits, who have 52 words for snow. Why don't we have 52 words for love? Instead, I have to rely on metaphors like, Her love was as pure as yellow snow. ↗


— Jarod Kintz


#love #snow #funny

The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is...42! ↗


— Douglas Adams


#meaning-of-life #funny






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