#funny

Sonya's a real person, like your Mother. Thirty years ago, that was your Mother's biggest flaw in my eyes, and now that's the thing I love most about Sonya. It's funny how things end, isn't it? ↗

— Matthew Norman

#funny

The atmosphere is always very grave when I walk into a cemetery. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #grave #humor #change

The difference between me and a scientist is a little word called “Science.” I don’t believe in it. Science has yet to validate my disbelief in Bigfoot. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #science #change

Leadership is being the first egg in the omelet. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #leadership #omelet #change

It's funny, because my last record was a lot about isolation and people living in separate worlds that other people can't even understand, which drug addiction is the perfect negative example of. ↗

— Aimee Mann

#addiction #because #even #example #funny

How are you feeling Sweet Peach?” he enquires as he walks across to the chest of drawers, selects a pair of socks and pulls them on. Sweet Peach? What the hell? He’s definitely gay … I shrug. “Er … okay, I guess. I really don’t remember much though. How did I get here … and why am I wearing your t-shirt?” I ask hesitantly, afraid of the answer. Hagen laughs nervously. “I brought you home when you couldn’t tell me where you lived. And don’t worry, you got changed all by yourself … in the kitchen … for like an hour. ↗

— J.C. McClean

#hangover #humour #change

If you're ever feeling a lack of middle-aged white men, just pop into the Capitol. Not so much the House of Representatives, which has a bit more color and texture, but the Senate -- jeez. Yes, let's have more testosterone running the country. Maximum Ride, School's Out--Forever ↗

— James Patterson

#funny #maximum-ride #senate #age

A girl can dream can’t she? My new life plan is to stumble into every office of a CEO until I find a Christian Grey. ↗

— Sophie Monroe

#funny #humor #dreams

For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#darynda-jones #funny #shoot-out #funny

Simon!" Clary shouted, and seized his arm. "What?" Simon looked alarmed. "I'm not really sleeping with your mom, you know. I was just trying to get your attention. Not that your mom isn't a very attractive woman, for her age. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny #mortal-instruments #simon-lewis #age