#funny

Honestly, as much as I love my brother, I’m not sure how I feel about him hanging out in your bedroom.” He reached out with a muscular arm and used his fingers to brush a few strands of hair off my cheek, tucking them behind my ear. I shivered, and he smiled. “I feel like I need to mark my territory.” “Shut up.” “Oh, I love it when you get all bossy-pants. It’s sexy. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#funny #katy #funny

Yeah, well. I don’t try to be awesome. It just comes natural. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #gleeson-hedge #the-lost-hero #funny

Boys! Are they always this impossible? Do they always say cryptic, indecipherable things? (Note to self: work with Liz to adapt her boy-to-English translator into a more mobile form—like maybe a watch or necklace.) ↗

— Ally Carter

#funny

Oliver laughed - actually laughed."I like this new Claire," he said. "You should work her this hard all the time, Myrnin. She's interesting when she's forthright." Claire, possessed by the spirit of Eve, shot him the finger. Which made him laugh again, shake his head, and walk up the steps. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #morganville-vampires #myrnin

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#funny #hot-mess #humor #funny

He stared at her neck. Realization pulsed. He was looking at the bite he had given her. A hard length was growing against her hip. “So, is that your long, scaly, reptilian tail, or are you just happy to see me?” No, she did not just say that. Did she? ↗

— Thea Harrison

#funny #pia #funny

WHY ARE YOU WORRYING ABOUT YOU-KNOW-WHO? YOU SHOULD BE WORRYING ABOUT U-NO-POO- THE CONSTIPATION SENSATION THAT'S GRIPPING THE NATION! Harry started to laugh. He heard a weak sort of moan beside him and looked round to see Mrs. Weasley gazing, dumbfounded, at the poster. Her lips moved, silently mouthing the name 'U-No-Poo. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#fred-and-george #funny #funny

So hologram means--" I finally said. "It means non-corporeal, yeah. Which sucks seeing as how there are a lot of very corporeal things I'd like to do with you right now. ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#archer-cross #corporeal #funny #hex-hall #hologram

With faith the size of a mustard seed, you can indeed move a mountain, but you can hardly be expected to garnish your sandwich. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#faith #funny #humor #mountains #mustard-seed

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave. ↗

— Quentin Crisp

#funny thing #grave #happened #life #me