#funny

I had a dream about you. I left for the country club, you the mountain top, knowing that at our reunion one would fall. When golf clubs fence with skis, both summer and winter are painted red. In the contact sports of the wealthy, the seasons are no longer impersonal forces. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. It was wet, but not lucid. So I couldn’t control my spraying hose. I think it means we shouldn’t join the fire department together. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. I sat at your table of brotherhood and asked why you invited so many strangers. You laughed and passed me the bread bowl. But the guest in-between us took the last roll before it reached me. ↗

— Bauvard

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I had a dream about you. We made love like mannequins, and afterwards we laid in bed, exhausted and extinguished, which was indistinguishable from our insatiable sexual congress—and also identical to the way Congress goes about fucking us.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#dreams #funny #humor #life #relationships

I’m a firm believer in equality at all times—” “At all times?” She glanced at the cuffs clipped to his leathers. “Why do I find that hard to believe?” And why the heck was she arguing with him. Mine, mine, mine. “At all times,” he repeated. “However, in the bedroom or in the club, I am a lot more equal than you. ↗

— Cherise Sinclair

#erotic-romance #funny #humour #romance #equality

The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping. ↗

— Christy Leigh Stewart

#clapping #funny #funny-and-random #retarded #equality

It was safe to assume he'd not only read the play but then re-read it, cross-referenced the annotations, and probably joined an online chat group called Buds of the Bard or something equally nerdy ↗

— Simon Holt

#simon-holt #soulstice #equality

The last dictator will finally prove the phrase, 'love conquers all.' Our savior is an erotocrat with an expansionist policy. When we are equalized through hierarchy, we will languish in joy. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #love #salvation #truisms #war

Two bricks, parallel and horizontal, equals an equal sign.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be divided into four equal pieces and split among three friends. I’ll take the two largest pieces, or half, whichever makes me appear the most generous.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #sharing