#funny

I`ve got a black woolen hat and it`s got Pervert written across the front of it. It`s the name of the clothing label. And I was with my wife and my baby at the supermarket and I didn`t think. I just put my hat on Clara`s head, because it was cold. And the looks. I couldn`t figure out why I was getting death looks. And then I realized my 10-month old baby`s wearing a hat with the word Pervert written on it and these people were like, `There`s Satan! There`s Satan out with his kid!` And then I made a point of her wearing it every time we went there. ↗

— Ewan McGregor

#children #funny #humor #mistakes #death

You put funny people in funny costumes and paint them green and we could talk about anything we wanted to, because that was the only thing that fascinated Gene about this particular genre. ↗

— Majel Barrett

#anything #because #costumes #could #fascinated

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. ↗

— Dave Barry

#absorb #another #body #cholesterol #fact

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. ↗

— Mark Twain

#adversity #another #easily #endure #i

I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking. ↗

— Lynda Barry

#come #conversation #especially #funny #great

I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things. ↗

— Todd Barry

#being #being funny #call #characters #comedy

What is the world coming to when girls allow their hands to be kissed without gloves? That young people don't use proper protection these days is exactly why there are always so many colds going around. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #gloves #humor #illness #kissing

And off we go, out onto the highway looking for a little fun. Perhaps a flatbed truck loaded with human cadavers will explode in front of a Star Trek reunion. One can only dream and hope. ↗

— George Carlin

#funny-accidents #humor #star-trek #dreams

Take your finger out of your nose, Miss Steal. ↗

— Fanny Merkin

#humor #funny

If death petrifies you, do something to ensure your likeness will survive in more than just photographs. Drown yourself in a swamp. ↗

— Bauvard

#fossils #funny #humor #death