#funny

A brick has eight edges and six sides. That’s nearly as many sides as a politician takes when discussing a binary issue.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Eight people show up. The emcee is warm, friendly, and about as funny as Shoah. I take the stage to the sound of, my hand to God, one person clapping once and only once, and then I start into my act. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#hand-to-god #patton-oswalt #shoah #stand-up #funny

He was all over me like brown rice! ↗

— L'Poni Baldwin

#gay-dragons #humor #stereotypes #funny

You know that passage in the Bible that says, “And the meek shall inherit the Earth”? Always wondered if that was mistranslated. Perhaps it actually says, “And the geek shall inherit the Earth. ↗

— Neil deGrasse Tyson

#funny #geek #meek #quote #funny

The rare derpicus man is know to live near the himalayas, in a cave made purely of dead weevils. His native tounge is unknown, but what I've translated contains a grat amount of the words, "pootis, derp, poop, and nnnnyyyyaaaaannnn! ↗

— Medic

#funny #griffin #pootis #weevils #funny

the party line is that some of the most profound truths about us are things that we stop saying in the middle, but i think they do it to make us feel important ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#funny

A brick could be used to show how patient you are. Somewhere between one brick and a million bricks lies a home. For me, my home is one brick, and I carry it with me wherever I go, because I’m always on the move. Maybe one day, when I’m a wealthy man, I’ll get a second brick and walk around with my mansion in my hands.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

The funny thing is that I had never actually watched TV. ↗

— Dave Willis

#funny #funny thing #had #i #never

My main point is to be funny; if I can slip a message in there, fine. ↗

— Flip Wilson

#funny #i #i can #main #main point

I am approximately 96.694444% in love with you. Of course, that’s just a rough estimate. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #love #age