#funny

I thrust the picture at his chest. He takes it and squints at it in the softening light. Then his eyes widen. "Holy shit," he breathes. "Is this the girl that ate you?" "Ha, no. You're funny." I snatch my picture back. "So I was super fat. It's my father's fault. He never hugged me." "So, what, you ate him? ↗

— Nicole Christie

#funny

You're serious?" "As a heart attack." I set my bag down and leaned on the counter. Okay, Hunter Zaccadelli, you could make me dinner. "Stuffed French toast, sweet potato hash and strawberries and cream." "Breakfast for dinner? You rebel, you. ↗

— Chelsea M. Cameron

#dinner #funny #hunter-zaccadelli #my-favorite-mistake #rebel

Sam grinned. He even laughed. "What's funny?" She demanded. "I figured something out before Astrid the Genius. I am totally enjoying that. I'm just going to gloat here for a minute." "Enjoy it, it may never happen again," Astrid said. ↗

— Michael Grant

#gone-series #michael-grant #funny

Treat each other like human beings? But the other great apes have no class hierarchy. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humanity #humor #funny

Trees are corrupting our parks. They should be arrested for loitering. For deciduous trees, add littering and indecent exposure to that list of offenses. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #trees #funny

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit. ↗

— Al Yankovic

#gotta #know #material #merit #own

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#going #late #morning #sleep #something

I was also lucky to play for an owner, Bud Selig, who truly cared about his players. He'd call me into his office once in a while when he knew things weren't going so well. And it's funny. Every time I left there I always felt like something good was about to happen. ↗

— Robin Yount

#also #always #bud #call #cared

The only way to speak is diplomatically, and British is the imperial English tongue. I have expelled all claims to American independence from my pronunciation, and I have never felt more liberated. ↗

— Bauvard

#british #diplomacy #english #freedom #funny

Now I'm just like everybody else, and it's so funny, the way monogamy is funny, the way someone falling down in the street is funny. I entered a revolving door and emerged as a human being. When you think of me is my face electronically blurred? ↗

— Jeffrey McDaniel

#letter #memory #monogamy #remember #funny