#funny

It's like one of those scenes from a feel-good Hollywood movie. Where everybody is happy and nobody's hair fizzes in the wind. Where it doesn't rain, your shoes stay comfortable all day, and everybody's jokes are funny. ↗

— Randa Abdel-Fattah

#feel-good #friends #happy #funny

He checked out his surrounding. More books. A drinking fountain. A poster showing a guy slam-dunking a basketball with one hand and holding a book in the other, urging kids to READ! Weird, thought Steve. How can he even see the hoop? ... You see, Steven, Librarians are the most elite, best trained secret force in the United States of America. Probably in the world." "No way." "Yes way." "What about the FBI?" "Featherweights." "The CIA?" Mackintosh snorted. "Don't make me laugh. Those guys can't even dunk a basketball andd read a book at the same time. ↗

— Mac Barnett

#fbi #funny #librarians #funny

I handed him a beaker and toyed with the pleats of my skirt. The folds kept rippling against my knees in a distracting way. It was one of Naomi's additions to my wardrobe. I quickly decided that I hated it. ↗

— Andrea Cremer

#funny #humor #skirt #werewolf #funny

Lia let out a low growl and moved her arrow to the base of his fat throat. "What do you think, Gabi? Would you like to see these nuptials through?" "Not this day," I said "How about on the morrow?" Marcello asked, smiling and lifting my hand to his lips. "If I am your groom?" "Hold that eHarmony thought," Lia whispered in English. "We gotta get out of here. ↗

— Lisa Tawn Bergren

#funny #gabriella #lia #marcello #funny

You flatter me shamelessly. I like it. Good. ↗

— Kenneth Oppel

#humor #kate #matt #skybreaker #funny

Baby, I want you to know that…even though my other secretaries were in that video with us, it won’t be like that in the future. No more girl-on-girl action. I know an open-minded guy who lives down the hall. We’ll keep it strictly a couples affair, with some occasional swapping. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#porno #swinging #funny

I just look around and say, I'm a mess, I don't know why I do things ↗

— Mike Tyson

#funny #funny

Radical Edwards's profile? He's a seven-foot tall ex-basketball pro hindu guru drag-queen alien. -Jet Black, from the Cowboy Bebop anime script ↗

— Keiko Nobumoto

#black #cowboy-bebop #edward #funny #jet

A horse blanket, Mel? I remembered what I was wearing. 'It tore in half when Hrani tried washing it. She was going to mend it. This piece was too small for a horse, but it was just right for me.' Bran laughed a little unsteadly. 'Mel. A horse blanket. ↗

— Sherwood Smith

#brother-and-sister #funny #horse #funny

I’ve long believed that for an award to gain prestige, all it takes is having one famous person win it—even if that one person doesn’t know about the award or the fact that they’ve won it. That’s why last year’s “Albatross Harbor’s Man of the Year Award” went to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. And from all the votes this year (one), it looks like the winner will be me. I’ve already begun writing my acceptance speech. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #man-of-the-year #prestige #sir-arthur-conan-doyle #funny