#funny

Drought is the best thing that ever happened to my lawn. And my beard. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#drought #funny #humor #funny

Fashion Tip Number 12: Gray is not the color to wear if you want to get noticed in a smoky, dingy dungeon. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fashion #funny #humor #funny

I worry about identity theft. What’s to stop somebody from cloning me to drain the cash from my bank account? And it’d be just as easy for my clone to pretend to be me as it is for me to pretend to be me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #identity-theft #funny

I'm all skin and whalebone. I like to strut around the house in nothing but a corset. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

Nix: We're not leaving without her. So unless you want permanent houseguests of the destructive sort, just hand her over. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#immortals-after-dark #kresley-cole #nix-the-ever-knowing #funny

I found her lying naked on the lawn at midnight, can I keep her? ↗

— R.J. Anderson

#funny

Well, pardon me for not knowing about the thermal-only panty rule,” I said, smirking as he dipped his head to nuzzle one of the silky bra cups. “I’ll rush right out and buy some long johns.” Pausing to look up with perfect sincerity, he promised, “If you do, I will weep. Like a little girl. In public. ↗

— Molly Harper

#humour #funny

There are several theories on sex and all of them are lies. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#lies #sex #theories #funny

A politician is a politician whether he's wearing a suit or a funny hat. ↗

— Reza Aslan

#hamid-karzai #politicians #politics #funny

If fucking up is power, I should be the Hulk by now. ↗

— Richard Kadrey

#power #funny