#funny

She ought to call him Benjamin, but it was too intimate, too soft. "My lord?" she ventured, only half serious. "Good, God, no." She bit back a smile. "Husband?" she took a sip of wine. He grunted. "Are we to become Quakers? ↗

— Kristen Callihan

#benjamin #firelight #funny #miranda #names

Audience member: Living Room! Sara: Kitchen ↗

— Sara Quin

#fan-yelling #funny #sara-quin #tegan-and-sara #tegan-quin

Are you scared of going in to see the raghnaid [the council]?” asked a gray female pup. “Are you cag mag [crazy]? If a bear was his Milk Giver, you think he’s scared of the raghnaid? ↗

— Kathryn Lasky

#funny #motherhood #wolves #funny

One thing I will say, they often take it better than a man. Pain, that is. Probably the residue of tolerance from when they were all bloody witches and got stoned or burned or drowned for it, eh lad? Never tell your mother I said that, by the way. ↗

— Sarah Hall

#funny

I had a tumor. But it was great. ↗

— David Rakoff

#funny #funny

Was it just her, or did lovers look more adoringly at each other in this city? Especially in the springtime. 'Die, bastards.' She sighed. It wasn't their fault that they were bastards who should die. ↗

— Kresley Cole

#funny-quotes #romance #funny

Who are you?’ Gaia gasped. The girl froze for a moment. Looked at her. Smiled and said, ‘Who am I? I’m the Breeze, bitch! ↗

— Michael Grant

#breeze-quote #brianna #funny #gaia #humor

This social worker lassie turns round n gies us a stroppy look. Ah jist smiles bit she looked away aw fuckin nippy likes. Disnae cost nowt tae be social. A social worker thit cannae be fuckin social; that's nae good tae nae cunt, thon. Like a lifeguard thit cannae fuckin swim. Shouldnae be daein that kinday joab. ↗

— Irvine Welsh

#humanity #humor #jobs #funny

Hundreds of words await ostracism from our functional vocabularies: waltz and fizz and squeeze and booze and frozen pizza pie, frizzy and fuzzy and dizzy and duzzy, the visualization of emphyzeema-zapped Tarzans, wheezing and sneezing, holding glazed and anodized bazookas, seized by all the bizarrities of this zany zone we call home. Dazed or zombified citizens who recognize hazardous organizations of zealots in their hazy midst, too late - too late to size down. Immobilized we iz. Minimalized. Paralyzed. Zip Zap. ZZZZZZZZZ. Crazy. Crazy. Did I say crazy? ↗

— Mark Dunn

#z #funny

What are you doing with all these books?" I asked, stepping towards a tall stack on the floor. I ran my fingers down the spines, recognizing a few familiar titles from School: Heart of Darkness, The Great Gatsby, and To the Lighthouse. Caleb came beside me, his warm shoulder brushing against mine. "I do this funny thing sometimes," she said, shooting me a mischievous grin. "I open a book, and I look at each page. It's called reading ↗

— Anna Carey

#future #teenage #funny