#funny

I want to buy you a pair of YAP, or Yellow Admiration Pants (they have no crotch), and have you talk dirty to me. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#silly #yellow #funny

Somebody dies and people eat your food. Funny how that works. ↗

— Sherman Alexie

#food

I've taken care of it," I said My father looked at me, shocked. Then I realized "taken care of" had a very specific meaning in his line of work. "No, no, I mean he's gone. ↗

— Gordon Korman

#funny

My mother was an angel," I blurted. "A guardian angel." Kaidan began to chuckle. "What's so funny?" I asked. "You. You're a walking contradiction. Horns and a halo. I don't belive it. ↗

— Wendy Higgins

#kaidan-and-anna #funny

Does it get heavy?" "Does what get heavy?" "That big head you lug around 24/7, 365." Sally patted Jen on the back. "It just seems like maybe your neck or back would begin to hurt at some point." "Wow, Sally. I'm impressed you aren't just going for a psychology degree! Right now you seem to be running for mayor of 'I think I'm funny' town. ↗

— Quinn Loftis

#funny

I had the great idea of using markers to gently color the ants so I could tell them apart, but I learned that this is exactly like somebody trying to gently color on you with a thirty-story building. Without dwelling on the tragedy, I'd just like to say that I'm deeply sorry to Mr. Purple and the surviving Purple family. ↗

— Jim Benton

#building #coloring #funny #purple #family

I can’t believe I’ve missed this sport. It’s all about fingering holes and caressing balls. ↗

— K.A. Mitchell

#funny #k-a-mitchell #sport #funny

You must be careful when you ask people whether they’re happy; it’s a question that can upset them a great deal. ↗

— François Lelord

#true #funny

A shadow crossed Andrea's face. "I don't want to be his TWT-IHFB." "What does that mean?" "That Weird Thing I Haven't Fucked Before." I choked. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#kate-daniels #shapeshifter #vampyre #funny

The cat dropped the rat between its two front paws. "There are those," it said with a sigh, in tones as smooth as oiled silk, "who have suggested that the tendency of a cat to play with its prey is a merciful one - after all, it permits the occasional funny little running snack to escape, from time to time. How often does your dinner get to escape? ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#funny