#funny

It's because I'm pregnant, Christian." He snorts, and his mouth twists into an ironic smile. "If I knew getting you knocked up was going to make you eat, I might have done it earlier. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia-grey #anastasia-steele #christian #christian-grey #e-l-james

I can't argue with love, it makes my inferences too sloppy. The only way to approach love is without conclusion. ↗

— Bauvard

#debate #funny #humor #love #funny

A brick could be used to satisfy your hunger—and satisfy my curiosity.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

So you st that charge, and then put yourself right smack in the middle of the blast radius?" Brandt asked with what might have been open admiration. Remy nodded curtly. "Marry me," Brandt requested with unholy glee. Remy cracked a smile and Carl laughed softly at Brandt's side. Shawn and Nikolaus both sat motionless, staring at Remy disbelievingly. Thiago rolled his eyes and cleared is throat. Nothing Remy did surprised him now. ↗

— Abigail Roux

#funny

...and then she said, 'Let's play Truth or Dare' and then you fucked her." "Wait, you fucked her? In front of the Colonel?" Takumi cried. "I didn't fuck her." "Calm down, guys," the Colonel said, throwing up his hands. "It's a euphemism." "For what?" Takumi asked. "Kissing. ↗

— John Green

#funny

She said several times that Malcollm was a fiend who was determined to destroy his children, and that I was the devil incarnate helping him. She hoped we would both rot in hell. (I thought devils and fiends might flourish there, actually.) ↗

— Dick Francis

#funny

I don’t think this is working out between us,” I told him. “You and I want different things. It’s not me, it’s you. ↗

— T.J. Klune

#funny

LUBOV. I'm quite sure there wasn't anything at all funny. You oughtn't to go and see plays, you ought to go and look at yourself. What a grey life you lead, what a lot you talk unnecessarily. ↗

— Anton Chekhov

#russian #true #funny

It’s funny, really: the older you get, the more you know about the world. The synapses in your brain fire at a higher level and quicker function, your knowledge expands. But you lose part of yourself, that part able to imagine great armies that wait for nothing more than your command; the dragon that hides under your bed that only you can see, its long emerald tail flashing in the darkness; the ghost that lives in your attic that only moans at 3:23 in the morning. When you lose that innocence, the world’s hues become dark and muted, and you know that dragons aren’t real. There is no army. There is no ghost in the attic. But when you’re nine? When you’re nine, it’s all probable, it’s all realistic, and even more so, it’s all true. ↗

— T.J. Klune

#m-m #tj-klune #funny

It was funny if you looked at it right quick, but it got pitiful if you thought about it awhile. ↗

— Zora Neale Hurston

#funny