#h

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. ↗

— John Hughes

#life #humor

It was only when they'd rounded the corner toward the Penguin that we finally sat up, Laughing semi-hysterically. "Oh my God, did you see her face?" Becca asked between guffaws. "'There's something in my hair!'" "That was fantastic, Crazytop," Jason said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. "Best master plan yet. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#humor

I glanced at my brother. "How the hell did you jump to that conclusion?!" I asked. He just grinned and tapped the side of his head. "Brains, dear girl, brains." I snorted softly."I wasn't aware that was where you kept your brains. ↗

— Keri Arthur

#humor

Actually Gabriel’s an archangel,” I corrected. “But otherwise, yes.” “Well, that explains why he’s so hard to impress,” said Xavier flippantly ↗

— Alexandra Adornetto

#archangel #humor #humor

In small towns, news travels at the speed of boredom. ↗

— Carlos Ruiz Zafón

#humorous #rural-life #humor

Whenever I get that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #humor

You guys looking for my dad? People are always, like, looking for him, and he's never around. Daddy is so not here. And I mean that literally and spiritually. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor #juliet #humor

Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home. ↗

— Eugene Mirman

#advice #bullies #humor #school #humor

I warn you," the boy went on. "I am a magician of great power. I control many terrifying entities. This being you see before you" - here I rolled my shoulders back and puffed my chest up menacingly - "is but the meanest and least impressive of my slaves." (Here I slumped my shoulders and stuck my stomach out.) ↗

— Jonathan Stroud

#humor

Reading a novel after reading semiotic theory was like jogging empty-handed after jogging with hand weights. What exquisite guilt she felt, wickedly enjoying narrative! Madeleine felt safe with a nineteenth century novel. There were going to be people in it. Something was going to happen to them in a place resembling the world. Then too there were lots of weddings in Wharton and Austen. There were all kinds of irresistible gloomy men. ↗

— Jeffrey Eugenides

#literary-criticism #literary-theory #narrative #nineteenth-century #novels