#he

Problem was, he couldn’t masturbate his sexual desires away because he’d fry off his cock." Hector ↗

— Gena Showalter

#funny #hector #funny

And I meant to tell you: that was a one-in-a-thousand shot." She raised her hand. "Don't." "It was awesome," George confirmed. "It really was," Jack said. "His head exploded. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#fate-s-edge #funny #george #ilona-andrew #jack

She put her hand on her hip. "Where are you going?" "To the boat. You called me Lord Bill again. That means we're cool." Cerise slapped her forehead with the heel of her hand and followed him. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#cerise #funny #ilona-andrews #lord-bill #the-edge

There once was a man who was sore 'Cuz his wife wouldn't open the door. Celibacy is just not for me Let me in, you cock-teasing whore. ↗

— Jake Wizner

#funny

The following ten throws went a variety of places. I never hit the target, but I was getting closer. Isabella was laughing so hard she wrote "Please stop can't breathe" in the dirt with her finger. ↗

— Jim Benton

#funny #laugh #miss #target #throw

There's nothing quite as funny as someone else's misery - Cassel Sharpe ↗

— Holly Black

#fiction #funny

He tilts his forehead down to rest against mine and pulls me closer. His skin, his whole being radiates heat from being so near the fire, and I close my eyes, soaking in his warmth. I breathe in the smell of snow-dampened leather and smoke and apples, the smell of all those wintry days we shared before the Games. I don't try to move away. Why should I anyway? His voice drops to a whisper. "I love you." That's why. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#gale #katniss #the-hunger-games #love

Tim and Raine are coming in." "Are they insane?" "Apparently. ↗

— Susan Bischoff

#chronicles #curfew #funny #heroes #susan

Nobody's really unsympathetic, I think. People do good and bad things. If a character's totally unsympathetic, they're not real and I'm not interested. ↗

— Matthew Macfadyen

#character #good #good and bad #i #i think

Are you always an asshole?" "No. There's just something about you that brings it out in me." I cocked my brow at him. "You're right. I lied. I'm always an asshole. ↗

— Nyrae Dawn

#funny #funny