#hum

She like imaginary men best of all. ↗

— Anne Taintor

#humor

Finally, I found what seemed at the time to be a lid of some sort. Presuming it was a toilet seat (but not really caring one way or the other) I lifted it up, then dropped my shorts and began to piss. Ahhh...success. Then I stumbled back to bed and passed out. It wasn't until the next morning that I realized what had actually happened. I woke to the sight of Junior standing over my bed with a look of disgust on his face. "Hey, man. Did you pee in my suitcase? ↗

— Dave Mustaine

#humor #megadeth #humor

Oh my!! How you've grown. Soon you'll be catching the Lord's balls. ↗

— Marjane Satrapi

#humor #memoir #young_adult #humor

Wake me up when everything is organized. ↗

— Jane Seabrook

#inspirational #humor

Goddammit! How does the world keep spinning with women on the planet?" Ian St. John in THE POMPEII SCROLL ↗

— Jacqueline LaTourrette

#italy #paris #pompeii #rome #suspense

Oh, this beer here is cold, cold and hop-bitter, no point coming up for air, gulp, till it's all--hahhhh. ↗

— Thomas Pynchon

#humor #humor

And, well, mine are kind of on the heavy side anyway. The first day or two, I don't want to do ANYTHING. Make sure you keep away from me then.' I'd like to, but how can I tell?' I asked. O.K., I'll wear a hat for a couple of days after my period starts. A red one. That should work,' she said with a laugh. 'If you see me on the street and I'm wearing a red hat, don't talk to me, just run away. ↗

— Haruki Murakami

#japanese #humor

And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it. ↗

— George W. Bush

#distrust #humor #humor

His sense of humor is purely cheap vaudeville, yet everyone falls for it. ↗

— Lisa Lutz

#humor

Abandoned babies are unfortunate unwanted results of a once urgent desire to have an orgasm ↗

— David Cross

#funny #funny-but-sad #humor #humor