#hum

biology The film turns out to be about bees. It is a film about a bee center. How crap is this going to be? an hour later That was the best thing I have seen for ages. We made Miss Wilson rewind the bit where the two queens were having a bitch fight. ↗

— Louise Rennison

#georgia-nicolson #humor #age

I don’t worry about identity theft, because I don’t even know who I am as a person. So if I’m not even in possession of my own identity, how can it be stolen from me?
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

Pie in a bed of raw onions. Human skull looking put-upon. -- Howl ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#humor #funny

A blanket could be made of tuna fish skin, which would go well with my cottage cheese thighs.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Hang your merit. I don't seek anyone's approbation. ↗

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

#approval #black-humor #disapproval #dishonesty #funny

Unless you're under 12 or into role playing, you shouldn't be wearing Mickey Mouse ears #AHOLE ↗

— Andy Ostrom

#disneyland #funny #humor #vacation #funny

My eyes have made a pact with my ears against my vulgar senses: urination is a holiday on the edge of a soothing lemonade waterfall. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #sensation #urination #funny

Going to jail is the failure of the individual to realize his limitations as a criminal. Recidivism is the failure of his friends to compensate for those limitations as a team. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #jail #prison #redicivism

The earth must be flat – there's a dunce in every corner of it I travel to. ↗

— Bauvard

#flat-earth #funny #humor #stupidity #funny

If you have an enemy, just shake his hand. Then he’ll be a sworn enemy. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #handshakes #humor #oaths #funny