#hum

It appears that countless women born between the years of 1965 and 1978 are in love with John Cusack. I cannot fathom how he isn't the number-one box office star in America, because every straight girl I know would see her soul to share a milkshake with that motherfucker. ↗

— Chuck Klosterman

#pop-culture #love

Do you really think he was flirting with me?" "Let's see. He gave you candy you hate - I saw your face - and a CD of songs..." He looks at the CD. "All of these are, like, twenty years old at least. Figures. Oh, and he groped your face. Sounds like true love to me. ↗

— Elizabeth Scott

#hannah #humour #josh #love

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's just soy juice. ↗

— Lewis Black

#humor

I'll have you know Southern isn't a synonym for stupid. ↗

— Janice Lane Palko

#southern #humor

Alpha bitches are all the same underneath. Don't know how to give an inch even if their damn fool lives depend on it. ↗

— Moira Rogers

#romance #humor

No wonder these people don’t believe in evolution. It obviously hasn’t worked in their favor. ↗

— Jeri Smith-Ready

#humor

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor

Just because I'm no jaw clacker doesn't mean there should be a ruction put up whenever I have sommat to say. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#mastiff #silence #humor

It is not about how much money we make or how big and powerful our work appears to others, it is about the love with which we put into each act of kindness toward another human being. ↗

— Joyce Vissell

#human-being #kindness #love #love

The intruder hesitated, turned, and anchored itself in the corner, where the ceiling met the wall. It sat there, fastened to the paneling by enormous yellow talons, still and silent like a gargoyle in full sunlight. I took a swig from the bottle and set it so I could still see the creatures reflection. Nude and hairless, it didn't carry a single ounce of fat on its lean frame. Its skin stretched so tight over the cords of muscle, it threatened to snap. Like a thin layer of wax melted over an anatomy model. Your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor